


How The Shovel Talk Turned Into Saving America

by ILookDaftWithOneShoe



Series: My Fellow Hedonist [3]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Extremis, Harley is a cute little bastard, IM3 Spoilers, Loki trusts no one, Loki's bad day, M/M, Tony doesn't want his vulnerable bits to get shot off
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-13
Updated: 2013-12-20
Packaged: 2017-12-23 08:56:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 15
Words: 35,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/924391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ILookDaftWithOneShoe/pseuds/ILookDaftWithOneShoe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Happy is injured in an explosion linked to the Mandarin, Loki and Tony rush to Malibu. </p><p>And then, amid wedding plans, trying to alter the Lightningrod suit, and glaring suspiciously at someone who could be Pepper's new beau, they're chucked into a somewhat chaotic situation with terrorism and whatever the hell Extremis is.</p><p>More stress. Just what they needed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Fruit-Based Pseudonyms

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry for the wait, truly. But here it is, free of charge.
> 
> I feel the need to point out things:  
> 1\. This will be similar to IM3. However, circumstances are different in nearly every case, and Loki's around, so some things have changed.  
> 2\. I've not really mentioned it previously, but Loki and Pepper are friends - they do a lot of business together and enjoy pissing off Tony.  
> 3\. This work relatively won't be that long. The next part of the series, however...  
> 4\. Excuse the style of this chapter. It condenses half an hour of movie. The other chapters will be drawn-out and linear. And longer. Also, 16 chapters is an estimate.  
> 5\. ...Just roll with this. All of this.
> 
> Thank you!

_"Yo listen up, here's the story about a little guy that lives in a blue world-"_

"Turn that off," Loki said, looking at Tony with a kind of affectionate menace over the tablet he was working on.

Loki could do that. Affectionate menace.

Tony pouted and immediately began trying to pick another song. He felt like cheerful music on his plane trip to Malibu; so sue him. His fiance was certainly trying to.

"I'm just trying to lighten the mood. We need mood-lightening," Tony protested, genuine sadness in his tone.

The man had a point. In the last several hours,  _everything_  had flipped upside-down, and not in any way that could be misconstrued as a good way.

First, Happy had rung them, because he felt suspicious about a man Pepper was meeting with. To be more accurate, he felt suspicious about the man's security guy - something to do with badges. It wasn't often that Happy rang Tony anymore - after all, he didn't work for him - but he did when he wanted a second opinion on potential risks to Pepper's wellbeing, and this was one of them. The guy in question - a Mr Killian of AIM or whatever - was showing her his big brain.

Loki was not impressed. A few projectors does not an intelligent man make, though he had to admit the concept of Extremis piqued his curiosity after he hacked the security feeds in Pepper's office.

Happy resolved to follow the security guy, even though neither Tony nor Loki gave him instructions to that effect.

Secondly, despite the last few days of lying around celebrating the fact they were engaged now, Tony and Loki caught up on the drama that was the Mandarin.

People exploding. Fires. Death, destruction, and chaos, and all emblazoned with the title of the Ten Rings. Knowing full well nearly every detail of Tony's time in Afghanistan, Loki had immediately latched on to the fact that he wasn't okay with any of it. After making a valiant effort to kiss the emotional injuries all better, the pair had resolved to start digging into it immediately. With the invasion over, they needed another serious risk to humanity to deal with anyway, according to the unfortunate laws of the universe.

And then, that night, another attack. Another explosion. And Pepper ringing Tony frantically to tell him Happy was in a coma.

Which was why they were currently flying to Malibu at around 3am, once the dust had cleared, and - owing to the fact teleporting could hurt Loki with his fucked-up heart these days - the plane had been readied. Had it been an immediate crisis, they might've teleported, but the risk was too great.

Loki looked up again from his tablet, scrutinising Tony. This was Tony's normal thing, joking when something horrible had happened.

"Happy will be fine, Tony," he said, surprisingly gently.

"I know. They said he was going to wake up, right? He's not injured too badly, all things considered, just hit by the shockwave. A few big things like his eyes and hands, but nothing huge, he'll live. So there's nothing to completely panic about. He's just great," Tony said quickly.

"Tony," Loki said.

"Mm?"

"Come here," Loki said, stretching out his arm for Tony to sit next to him.

Tony moved from his seat on the floor, messing with the personal settings of Loki's jet, to next to Loki on the couch.

Loki gently ran his hand down Tony's far side, pulling him close. "He will be fine. He will have the best doctors and facilities, and you and I will combine our intensely stubborn willpower to will him better. Meanwhile, whoever did this, we will burn them down and dance on their mutilated corpses."

"You always know the right things to say," Tony mumbled, snuggling into Loki's side.

"We'll be there soon. There's no use in panicking until we understand the full extent of exactly what occurred, and what condition our Mr Hogan is in. For now, I will work on reconfiguring the Lightningrod, and you will curl into my side like the adorable little man you are," Loki murmured.

"I feel used," Tony protested into Loki's pectoral.

"That's how I like you to feel," Loki teased, trying to work one-handed. It didn't really succeed, but actually being productive wasn't the point here.

"So long as you're happy," Tony snorted. "How's the Sparkly Shit Suit coming along?"

"I prefer Lightningrod, these days," Loki said with a quirk of the corner of his mouth. "Badly. At this point, I can't think of a way to alter it so that it does not pass through my system and strain my heart, never mind the teleporting conundrum. It would defeat the entire mechanism of the Lightningrod."

"There's always plan B," Tony reassured.

Plan B was Loki having and customising his own Iron Man suit. Owing to the dent in his pride that would cause, Loki did not want to have to resort to plan B.

"I'd have to give up the iconic hardcore-BDSM-leather-and-metal look for that," Loki replied idly. "And that just wouldn't do."

Despite himself and the situation, Tony started giggling at that. "Yep, you've inspired many rebellious teens."

"That was always the dream," Loki smirked. "Happy will be fine, love. As they say in every tourist boutique of my hometown, Keep Calm and Carry On."

"And variations thereupon," Tony added, then, trying to convince himself- "Everything will be fine."

If he'd known exactly how things would turn out, Tony probably wouldn't have said that so candidly.

-O.O-

Tony had thought it when Loki was hospitalised and he'd think it again; hospital lighting made you look worse than you were.

Tony and Loki filed awkwardly into Happy's private hospital room. Only the best for the people Tony cared about.

Pepper was already there, sitting in the corner, makeup smudged and looking miserable. When she saw them, she immediately got to her feet. "Tony, Loki," she sniffed. "Thanks for coming so quickly."

As Tony was unable to answer - leaning over Happy's bed, inspecting his injuries with a clinical air that covered how upset he actually was - Loki murmured a gentle "Of course. Neither of us would have it any other way."

"There was another recording. By the Ten Rings. About this attack," Pepper said stiltedly.

"We watched it on the plane," Loki replied lowly. "They will pay, mark my words."

Tony was just staring at Happy. "It's been too long since I came to Malibu. I can't tell you a thing about his life recently."

"It's okay, Tony. You came; that's what matters," Pepper said gently.

"He's stable," Loki added. "Aside from the obvious trauma, and the comatose state, his injuries are perhaps less severe than they could be. In all likelihood, he will regain consciousness."

"Yeah," Tony said with the distinct nod both Loki and Pepper hated - mostly because it meant that their reassurances were sliding off him like water from a duck's back.

Tony flopped heavily down in a chair, staring at his ex-bodyguard.

After around twenty minutes of this awkward vigil, Loki interrupted. "Forgive me if this sounds a little rude, but dear Happy is comatose, love. The best thing I believe you can do right now is assist me in tracking down his attackers."

"Right, yeah," Tony said, again with the nod. "In a minute."

This minute stretched on for another fifteen, until it was nearly 8am and Loki decided that action should probably be taken, regardless of his fiance's state of shock.

"He was following someone, was he not?" Loki asked. "He mentioned his suspicions regarding a visitor of yours' bodyguard."

"I - I don't know," Pepper said. "He didn't mention anything...though he had some kind of argument with Aldrich's bodyguard about the security badges - he's very keen on them. I don't know if that escalated."

"Aldrich?" Loki said, raising an eyebrow. "Aldrich Killian, of AIM, yes?"

"Happy rang you, didn't he?" Pepper asked with a fond smile.

"He did seem rather concerned that you might be associating with someone questionable," Loki shrugged. "He may have been all too right. Tony, focus. If this is a lead, and it just may be, then dwelling on your friend's injuries will capture no one. How much conversation passed between you and Killian, Pepper?"

"We talked a lot," Pepper admitted. "Mostly about Extremis, his innovation, but he invited me to coffee as I escorted him out."

"Did you accept?" Loki asked.

"Yes," Pepper said. "For this morning. I've barely slept; I'll reschedule for later."

"Let me know what happens, and keep safe," Loki said briskly. "Come, Tony. We'll head to your home."

-O.O-

Evidently people had noticed the new celebrity couple's arrival in Malibu and immediate drive to the hospital, because the number of reporters outside the hospital entrance waiting to ambush 'Laufeystark' was startling.

Neither of them really wanted to give a statement, though Loki was tempted to break out his favourite curse words, because it had been that kind of 24 hours.

They made it to the car before stress, anger and sleep deprivation got to Tony and he spoke up.

"Mr Stark - Mr Laufeyson! When's someone gonna kill this guy?" A reported asked, waving a cameraphone in Tony's face.

Loki, being taller, was safer from the phone barrage, but it was still irritating.

On catching the general air of  _fuck the universe and everything in it_  Tony's expression was conveying, the reported blurted "I'm just saying."

"Is that what you want?" Tony snapped.

Dramatic pause.

"Tony, dear, I think it is what he wants," Loki murmured, making sure he was audible.

"I think so too, babe. See, here's a little holiday greeting for the Mandarin I've been sitting on during _far_  more important things. Remember the second invasion of Manhattan? Yeah."

"You're a fucking speck compared to alien mercenary armies and mythological titans, wherever you are," Loki added in a growl, and hey, shit, there was those curse words.

"And so," Tony continued on from Loki, "Here's our offer: I'm Tony Stark, this is Loki Fucking Laufeyson, and we've been through far too much to even have a concept of being afraid of you. I know you're a coward. So I've decided," cue the dramatic removal of those signature sunglasses, "That you just died, pal. Lokes and I - we don't like to be messed with. No politics, just revenge for me and mine. No Pentagon, no SHIELD, no paperwork, just you and me. And in the off chance you're a man, you can find Loki and I right here: 10880, Malibu Point. 90265. Got that?"

"We'll be sure to use the good cutlery," Loki added dryly. "Mandarin, or apple or apricot or whatever clever fruit-based pseudonym you're operating under, you fucked with the wrong celebrity couple. If you'd lashed out at Brangelina's friends and family you mightn't have had an issue; as it stands, you've made yourself two very pissed-off, powerful enemies."

Statement made, Tony and Loki climbed into Tony's car, driving off.

"What're the odds someone shoots off our vulnerable bits in the next few hours, Sparkles?" Tony winced as the adrenaline faded.

"Fairly high," Loki replied. "I'm sure we'll manage."


	2. The First Of Reasons Why You Don't Threaten A Terrorist

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki and Tony sort things out, and then face the repercussions of threatening the Mandarin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter count has gone down because this was originally supposed to be two chapters. However, it flowed better like this, so doublepluschapter for you. I'm really enjoying writing this = D

One thing Loki had to admit about Tony's Malibu house was that the lab was fantastic.

Yes, his own lab at home was rather amazing, but Tony's lab was fully rigged with holographic projectors, contained a display of his previous Iron Man suits, had an automated assembly bay, looked out over a fantastic view, and had a living area attached. It was Tony's true home - it always had been when he'd lived in Malibu, which was why it was bespoke.

But today was no day for the admiration of technology. Today was a day for forensic science.

Right now, both Tony and Loki were perusing everything they had on the explosion at the Chinese Theatre that had left dear Happy in a coma.

"Excesses of 3000 degrees," Loki murmured to himself after JARVIS. "That is quite some energy."

"Any subjects within 12.5 yards were vaporised instantly," JARVIS agreed.

"Imagine how many marshmallows you could roast in that," Tony said absentmindedly.

Loki chuckled. "I wouldn't repeat that outside of this room. People have died."

"Yeah, might not go down too well...Jay's database on the Mandarin isn't exactly as useful as it could be, Sparkles. Doesn't really matter what he's done; what matters is what he's doing now, and hey, big surprise, no one's on top of that yet," Tony said wryly.

"Uses similar tactics to South American insurgencies," Loki noted. "That's less useful than it could be."

"What's more interesting is how much pageantry is going on here. Lots of theatre. It's all drama," Tony said to Loki, who was crouching, examining JARVIS's reconstruction of the Chinese Theatre scene.

"No, what's more interesting is the lack of any form of bomb parts within any logical radius. It was no conventional bomb," Loki corrected. "JARVIS, illuminate Happy's line of sight and reach."

Loki had a point - Happy's figure on the ground was both looking and reaching in the same direction.

"But bombs usually come in conventional bomb form," Tony added, crouching down next to Loki. "That's why they're bombs. They bomb things. When is a bomb not a bomb?"

"Bombs bomb things," Loki repeated dryly. "Thank you, master of mystery."

"Oh, shut it," Tony snarked back, shuffling across the floor to what Happy had been looking at. "Snow White, c'mere."

"Hm?" Loki said, making his way over.

Tony highlighted the section and lifted it up for closer examination. "Dogtags."

"Legible?" Loki asked.

Standing, Tony selected the dogtags as an individual item. They were wrecked, yes, but they'd been logged by the crime scene techs as an unusual item. "Any military victims, Jay?"

"Not according to public records, sir," JARVIS replied.

A small triumphant smile wiggled its' way onto Loki's face. "No military _victims._ That hardly includes perpetrators. This could most certainly be something. JARVIS, is there a precedent for this kind of heat output?"

"In what time or area frame, sir?" JARVIS asked.

"Thermogenic signatures for the good ol' US of A in the last year, Jay," Tony said, taking a seat.

"Yes, sir." The AI began a graph of energy spikes in the last twelve months.

Loki took a seat next to Tony. "Refine those results to temperatures at or exceeding 3000 degrees, JARVIS." The graph removed the smaller results. There were still a few too many. "Do not include heat spikes attributable to Mandarin attacks," Loki added.

And there they were. Just over half a dozen spikes that could potentially be related to this incident. The advantage to this was that it could potentially show uses of the Mandarin's current technology that hadn't worked out so well. As they both well knew, the dogtags were American, and that meant it might not be an entirely overseas operation, so it could've left evidence.

Of course, the dogtags could be unrelated pieces of junk, but they had to go on something.

Tony and Loki immediately rejected all of them barring one; the temperature was too high or they were already attributed to industrial accidents or fires or something of the like. The last one, though, in Rose Hill, Tennessee, was exactly 3000 degrees. Tony frowned suspiciously. "You sure that's not a Mandarin job, Jay?"

"It predates any known Mandarin attack, sir," JARVIS replied. "The incident was the usage of a bomb to assist a suicide."

"Were there any fragments of bomb casing found?" Loki asked.

"Unknown, sir, but from image scans I can extrapolate there was nothing major," JARVIS said.

"That's our baby. Bring it around," Tony said with a slight smug smile.

"The heat signature is remarkably similar, sirs," JARVIS remarked.

Opening the file, the first thing that attracted Loki's attention was the perpetrator of this particular explosion. "A military man," he remarked. "The plot thickens."

"If you grew facial hair, you'd be stroking it right now," Tony snorted. "What do you think, Lo'lo? We head to Tennessee, check this out?"

"It's not much of a lead," Loki said sceptically. "Though I will agree it is better than naught."

"That's a yes. I'll call someone, get the jet ready to go again," Tony said.

-O.O-

Getting said jet ready to go was not something that happened instantaneously, so they did have to wait, sitting around the lab and thinking.

Loki was clearly processing, reprocessing and then triple-processing everything he had just learned. "Americans, causing these explosions, or at least two of them. Unless the Mandarin's distaste for America extends to turning them into explosives."

"It's not the easiest method, I'll admit," Tony said. "You've got a theory, don't you?"

"Capturing trained military operatives and forcing them into exploding in a public location is easier said than done," Loki mused. "There were no reports of someone unwilling or coerced onto the Chinese Theatre scene before the explosion, which suggests it was voluntary on the attacker's part. And herein lies the issue. Why were American men - presumably with some sense of patriotism, having been in the armed forces - willing to attack their own people in the name of a Middle Eastern psychopath?"

"I don't know. I generally leave the big questions to you and work out the little ones," Tony admitted.

"I'm not certain either," Loki said thoughtfully. "This is perhaps not as straightforward as one would first assume."

_Ding-dong!_

Loki shot Tony a bemused look. "Firstly, you have a doorbell, and secondly, I was not expecting the Mandarin to actually accept our offer of walking up to it to parley."

"Jay, front door cam," Tony said. "I thought we were on a full security lockdown. C'mon, Jay, I threatened a terrorist."

A screen opened to show a woman fidgeting there impatiently.

"She resembles Darcy," Loki said airily.

"I actually think I remember her," Tony said.

"Really?"

"...Nope."

They both got up and made their way to the glass door that Mystery Darcy-a-like was making her way through.

To Loki's amusement, JARVIS scanned her. Repeatedly.

"Make a wrong move and Loki will taser you so hard you'll go bald," Tony said.

"Will I?" Loki asked, drawing his phone out of his pocket. It did have a taser, but a short-range one. Tony was bluffing a little here. "Yes. Make no wrong moves."

The woman just shot them an  _is all this shit necessary_ look and stood still.

"You're not the Mandarin," Tony said warily. "Are you? Because I was expecting less boobs and more facial hair."

The woman was grinning. "You don't remember," she said. "Why am I not surprised?"

"Are you addressing me or him?" Loki asked. "Because when it comes to attractive women, there's quite a lot both he and I don't remember."

"Yeah, it's not just attractive women either. I don't even remember what I had for breakfast," Tony agreed.

"You have not had breakfast, sir," JARVIS chipped in.

"That explains why I'm hungry," Tony shrugged.

The women immediately tried to cut to the chase. "Right. I need to be alone with you," she said, with a pointed look at both Loki and vaguely at the ceiling for JARVIS. "Someplace not here. It's urgent."

"Normally I'd go for that sort of thing. But Loki would get his jealous face on, and holy crap, you wouldn't like his jealous face. It's pretty similar to his murderous face," Tony said airily.

"It's true," Loki shrugged. "I own him. I'm even going to put a ring on him."

"You liked it, so you put a ring on it?" The woman joked awkwardly.

"Damn straight, Miss Maya Hansen. Actually, _I_ put the ring on _him._ But we're not fussing over details," Tony added with a smirk.

"You _do_ remember her," Loki said as Maya grinned.

"Yup. Took me a minute. She's an old botanist pal I used to know, barely. Look, please don't tell me there's a twelve-year-old kid waiting in the car that I've never met, because what with one thing or another, I'm not sure I could handle that right now," Tony said.

By this point they'd sort of shuffled back into the main atrium area, but Loki was still on full alert, one eye on the news feed playing on the TV screen in the corner, even if Tony seemed to have relaxed.

"He's thirteen," Maya deadpanned. Tony flinched violently in terror. "Oh, come on. I need your help."

"What for?" Loki said thoughtfully, entering the same over-processing state he'd been in earlier. "Why this exact moment? We're leaving soon."

"Because I read the papers, and frankly, you guys might be tough, but I don't think either of you will last a week," Maya said seriously.

"Oh, psh. I can make eight days, at least," Tony said.

"Tell me what you know," Loki said. "We're leaving in the near future, so if you have something of importance to tell us, we'd be grateful if you could say it quickly."

"She could come with us," Tony pointed out.

"I'd rather she did not," Loki said.

"Why?"

"Adding new people makes keeping this simple and easy more difficult, and beyond that, I don't trust her," Loki said, before glancing at Maya. "No offence."

"It's fine. You don't know me," Maya said.

"I do see your point, Sparkles. But-" Maya was looking at the news with a slight amount of panic on her face, so Tony said "What?"

"Do we need to worry about that?" Maya said, looking more than a little upset now as she pointed at the screen.

Loki was examining it in an instant. It showed the mansion, as one would expect since that was all that had been on the feed all morning, but more worringly, a jet-propelled _something_ was moving towards the house at high speed.

"Shit!" Loki said. "Get back from the window!"

And with that, he grabbed Maya and his fiance and yanked them both to lie flat on the ground. A split second after their faces hit the floor, that same jet-propelled thing smashed through the enormous windows and exploded against a wall, showering them in dust and shrapnel.

"That was a bomb," Tony gasped in disbelief.

"You're on a roll today with your bomb knowledge, aren't you?" Loki said dryly.

Tony spat out a glob of saliva and dust. "Smart-ass."

"You love my ass," Loki stated. "We need to get further back in the house; they'll be attacking from the direction of the ocean unless they're stupid enough to risk defence forces spotting their arrival."

"Got it," Tony said, and they began a subtle belly crawl along the splintered floor, trying to stay out of sight. "Maya, you okay?"

"Just great," she replied, sounding a little shocked.

"You'll get used to this," Tony said. "Happens all the time around us."

They were halfway across the room when the roof started to splinter and fall. Tony rolled away from a big chunk a split second before it crushed him. From the corner of his eye he could see three helicopters swooping in from the ocean, heavily armed. "Lokes, we need a better plan!"

"I'm thinking of one!" Loki snapped. "We cannot fight them, at least not as we are. I'm too tall and Maya is too...chesty to fit into your Iron Man suits, but you should get down into the basement and get one on. Do you understand?"

"Gotcha," Tony said. "What about you?"

"Maya and I will get out however we can," Loki said. "I'll call when we're safe."

Tony could see very well that this was the best course of action at such short notice. Their weapons were only usable by one person; therefore the other people should run like hell. "When I get the suit I'll cover your escape," Tony said. "I promise."

The action had stopped outside; Loki, Tony and Maya were in a dip in the floor and weren't especially visible, so their attackers didn't know where to shoot.

"See you soon," Loki said, snatching Tony's shirt and pressing their mouths together messily before pointing Maya down the hallway that lead to the back of the house - Maya's initial entrance was now shattered and blocked. Once they were out of sight of the helicopters, the pair scrambled to their feet and began to run. They were a tad impaired by Loki's tidy suit and Maya's skirt, but they were making good time.

_Smash!_

A missile shot through the window ahead of them, exploding against the wall and half blocking the halfway.

"Shit," Loki breathed. "They'll be able to see us. Tony, you idiot, why is your house mostly windows?"

They must've been able to see them anyway, because another missile smashed into the outer wall behind them, peeling open the hallway to the open air fully.

"How do we get out of here without being seen?" Maya asked.

"JARVIS, I was about to ask you the same question," Loki said.

"Exit without visibility to the helicopters is not possible, sir," JARVIS firmly informed them.

Of course, there was an easy option. Teleport out. But the general risk of death meant that Loki was leaving that as a last resort.

"We sprint," Loki told Maya. "Travel down this hallway as far as possible, then turn right until you see a door leading to outside. Then run like bloody hell before we both die."

Maya nodded panickedly.

"Follow me," Loki said, vaulting over a chunk of Tony's wall and sprinting down the hallway. There were the harsh sounds of impacts behind them as they were sighted and fired on, but they were travelling too fast to easily target. Maya was scrambling behind him, awkward in her skirt and sandals.

As they approached the bend in the hallway, an enormous line of windows on their left making them very visible to their attackers, someone took the initiative and fired ahead of them. With an enormous noise, the corridor ahead of them collapsed in on itself, and the wall to their right - including a door that lead to a guest bedroom - cracked worryingly.

Nowhere to keep running.

Loki and Maya looked up simultaneously to see the roof beginning to sag along the several fault lines made by the impacts.

There was only one way out. They both dashed through the broken windows onto a section of Tony's balcony, and Loki led Maya towards the cliff edge.

Scrambling in his pocket with one hand, Loki wrapped the other around Maya, pulling her into a stoop as a machine gun opened fire over their heads. They were going to get mown down, and soon, if they didn't get away.

Loki jumped off Tony's balcony and off the cliff, dragging Maya with him.

"Are you _insane?!"_ She shrieked as they fell, struggling to escape Loki's grasp.

The water rushed closer and closer as Loki's fingers tried to hit the right place on his touchscreen.

 _How far's Miami from here? What's our mass?_ Loki thought as he activated the teleporter.

They were two metres from the water when they both vanished with a slight crackle.

-O.O-

Tony was faring approximately as well. He'd watched Loki's perfect butt make a run for it, and had himself began the treacherous crawl across the floor to the way down to his workshop. If he was spotted, he'd be blasted.

It took him ages to get there, but once he did, he quickly dipped his hands and face in the fountain to get rid of the irritating dust and got down to his workshop as soon as possible.

He could hear explosions in the distance, and he _really_ hoped that Loki was okay - and Maya - but JARVIS assured him they were both alive. The best thing he could currently do for them was to get the latest version of his Iron Man suit on, which he did with great speed. Then he took to the air and flew up the driveway. These fucktrucks had an appointment with some of his favourite weapons. As he left, he heard an extremely ominous _crack_ that probably signalled the ceiling of the workshop falling in. Good thing nothing hugely important was in there. Apart from his Iron Man suits, the majority of it was in New York, including JARVIS's original processing unit, Tony's cars and Dummy.

From the air, he could see that his house was not going to recover from this quickly. Not knowing where their targets were, their attackers had simply resolved to blow the whole thing into tiny pieces, and they'd gotten a missile into the load-bearing part of the mansion that propped up the overhanging section. That was all going to fall, and Tony knew it.

His house was in pieces.

This meant war.

They hadn't spotted Tony yet, so he seized the advantage and blasted one out of the air with a missile of his own. One down.  
Of the two remaining helicopters, one was firing around the side of the building, presumably at Loki and Maya. The other was doing as much bloody damage to his house as it could, or it had been until it had spotted Tony.

Machine gun bullets pelted the suit and JARVIS was saying something about non-sustainable damage rates. "Yeah, Jay, I know I'm in the shit as far as getting shot at's going. How's Loki and Maya?"

"Alive, sir, though their escape route is blocked," JARVIS replied.

Ignoring the two helicopters, Tony soared down, to see Loki and Maya jump through a broken window onto his balcony. The helicopter was attempting to spray them with machine gun fire, so Tony fired a homing missile at it, which blasted off the end of the tail and sent it spiralling downwards.

"Shit!" Tony gasped, accelerating and catching the front of the helicopter so it didn't hit the house or crush his escaping companions. It was moving faster than he'd thought, dragging him down with it towards the debris-filled water.

All he saw was Loki leap over the edge of the cliff with Maya. Then he was slightly distracted by the helicopter shoving him underwater.

"Loki!" Tony shouted as he sank like a stone. He narrowly avoided being caught around the neck by a loop of metal cable and slammed on his repulsors to fight his way out of the helicopter debris and the mutilated chunks of his house.

 _What would Loki do?_ Tony thought. _Play dead. I don't want to fight the last helicopter, so I should just play dead. If they think they've won, they'll get cocky, and cocky people make mistakes._

Once he'd made it to a position of relative safety, he hid in a crevice of rock that would shield him from above and waited for the last helicopter to leave. They'd likely seen him go underwater, so if he waited, they'd probably think he hadn't resurfaced.  
Loki was probably alive, in Tony's opinion. Loki had intentionally gone over that cliff, and he didn't tend to do things like that without a good reason.

After he'd been there for half a minute, JARVIS warned him of an incoming call. From Loki.

"Lokes, thank god you're okay," Tony said.

-O.O-

Loki and Maya slammed into the wooden floor of Loki's Miami home's kitchen hard. After a moment to catch her breath, Maya got up, but Loki stayed on the floor, a hand over his arc reactor.

"I feel like I just teleported into a brick wall," Loki gasped.

"Are you okay?" Maya asked, dropping to one knee and checking Loki's pulse, which was skyrocketing.

"To keep it short, yes," Loki answered, pulling himself to a sitting position. "Ah, there's a reason I stopped doing that."

"Why didn't you do that when they first attacked?" Maya scolded.

"Can you feel your heart pounding in your ears? The slight ache of your chest? Being dragged in and out of corporeality is not good for you," Loki said. "I paid my price. This was a little rougher than usual because I did not have time for full energy calculations. I may have overestimated your mass."

"I'll take that as a compliment," Maya said. "Oh god, Tony! Is he okay?"

"I'll call him. You go to the bathroom and clean that dust off your face and hands," Loki said.

"Why? Is it dangerous?" Maya asked worriedly.

"No, but you look ridiculous," Loki said. Once Maya had been given directions by SADIE and had left, Loki got his AI to call Tony.

"Lokes, thank god you're okay," Tony said. "Where are you? How'd you get out?"

"Maya and I are both safe in my Miami house," Loki replied. "I did not have much time to decide, and it is not common knowledge that I own a house here, so I teleported here. Where are you?"

"Hiding from the last helicopter. They saw me go underwater, so hopefully they'll assume I'm dead," Tony said.

"Excellent," Loki said. "If no one saw Maya and I vanish, then they may assume the same of us."

"That was what I was thinking."

"What condition is your house in?" Loki asked. From what he'd seen, it didn't look too good.

"The entire sea-facing bit is shredded. The rest's not too bad," Tony said. "The last helicopter's leaving now. Should I head over there?"

"There are not many benefits to having you here," Loki mused.

"Aw, thanks, babe," Tony said dryly.

"From a practical point of view," Loki said apologetically. "From an emotional point of view, I would like to have you here."

"How's this; I head to Tennessee and see what I can dig up about this explosion, and you see what Maya has to say?" Tony said. "We cover our bases, keep in touch. That way we're more efficient."

Loki made an acknowledging noise and said "I very much agree. I'll call and divert the jet's course so it meets me here in Miami and I can retrieve some of our equipment and your suitcase Iron Man."

"It's sorted. Babe, I'd better ring Rhodey, ask him what he knows about all this. I'll talk to you later. Love you," Tony said distractedly as he climbed out of the crevice he'd been hiding in.

"I'll keep my eye on Maya; I do not trust her," Loki said. "Good luck, love."

Tony disconnected the conversation as he took to the air.

A minute or two later, Maya came back, all cleaned up. "Is Tony okay?"

"He's well, though he is not coming here," Loki said.

_She keeps Moët et Chandon in her pretty cabinet; 'Let them eat cake,' she says -_

"Darcy," Loki breathed. "SADIE, answer."

"Loki!" Darcy yelped. "Are you okay? Holy fuck, you jumped off a cliff!"

"I'm just fine, Darcy. So is Tony," Loki soothed.

"What happened?" Darcy asked.

"Tony and I threatened a terrorist. Said terrorist did not appreciate the gesture," Loki said.

"Do you guys need help dealing with this?" Darcy said. "The Avengers are all really worried about you. Even Nat's shitting a brick."

"I very much doubt that," Loki said with a snort of laughter. "We can handle this, Darcy. However, right now, I am a little busy, so I will call you again when I have any news. For now, we're alive, and we can handle the hole we've dug ourselves into."

"It's not weak to ask for help, Loki. Say the word, and we're there," Darcy said.

"Everything is fine," Loki insisted. "Thank you for your concern. Goodbye, Darcy."

And with that, he hung up.

Loki took five, maybe six deep breaths. Then he pushed down exactly how crazy his current situation was. "SADIE, alert me if Miss Hansen attempts any form of communication to anyone barring myself."

"What?" Maya said in shock.

"Exactly what I said. I don't trust you, Maya. Now, I believe you wished to talk to Tony and I?"


	3. Loki Trusts No One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki's about three pieces of information away from figuring out what's going on. Unfortunately, these pieces are hard to come by.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not the most exciting chapter, I fear, but in my defence, this is a sedate part of the movie.
> 
> I've completely mushed out the happenings of this fic, and I think/hope you'll like it = D
> 
> Note: In My Fellow Hedonist I note that the president is Obama and he likes Spider-man. This is incorrect, so Obama has been reverted to the canonical President Ellis and I took out the Spider-man reference in the chapter in question. For my ignorance I humbly apologise.

James "Rhodey" Rhodes was a patient and tolerating man. This was evidenced in that he was still Tony Stark's friend after all the time they'd spent together.

However, he was a _little_ busy dealing with the whole Mandarin thing, and beyond knowing that Tony was alive, as was his partner and a random woman they were with, he didn't actually have time to deal with the guy.

"First, Rhodey, we have a very serious issue," Tony said. "Why the hell would anyone think Iron Patriot sounded cooler than War Machine?"

"It does sound better. It's rebranding. We're thinking about America first and war later," Rhodey said tolerantly.

"Loki agrees with me, y'know. War Machine sounds much better," Tony said.

"I've never even met Loki. What the hell happened at your mansion, Tony? My feed says it's pretty much gone," Rhodey said.

"Don't exaggerate. The front got torn off. It's pretty simple; Loki and I pissed off a terrorist, and he responded in the exact way you'd expect him to."

Rhodey sighed. "What do you want, Tony? If you want information about the Mandarin, it's classified."

"Don't worry about that; Loki and I hacked it off SHIELD half a day ago. I was wondering how far your actual tracking of the transmissions was going," Tony said. "Also, did anyone catch the helicopter that got away from my house?"

"It got away. And it's-"

"If you say it's classified, I'll take it anyway," Tony said. "I'm just asking for a leg-up. I'm doing your dirty work here, investigating this other angle Lo' and I came up with."

"What angle?" Rhodey said. "Is this something I'm going to have to deny knowing about later?"

"Uh, yeah, probably. Happy's been badly hurt, Rhodey; I can't just sit around doing nothing. But Loki's got this suspicion running that this whole thing isn't that straightforward."

"Why's that?" Rhodey replied, mostly just to humour Tony.

"Well, there was an explosion that came before all the Mandarin ones, but it was sort of the same circumstances...Hey, it's complicated. Main thing is, I'm headed to Tennessee. If anything major happens, call me. If Loki calls you, do what he says."

"I can't just-" Rhodey said, but Tony had hung up.

Tony needed a plan for what he was going to do when he got to Rose Hill.

First thing was first. Contact any available relations of the man who'd committed suicide and get whatever he could out of them.

-O.O-

Loki, having had a meal with Maya, taken a quick shower and redressed in something more suitable for moving quickly (his workout clothes, which seemed to amuse Maya), was sitting in the lotus position facing Maya in one of the living rooms of his Miami house.

"Now, Miss Maya Hansen, what matter was so urgent that it must be delivered in person and immediately?" Loki asked.

"Can I just talk to Tony?" Maya said, not completely comfortable with talking to Loki.

"I'll make my answer simple; whatever you tell him, he will tell me, so there is no point in exacerbating the logistical issues caused by that," Loki explained. "Spill the proverbial beans."

"I think that my boss is working for the Mandarin," Maya said bluntly.

"Well. That does seem just cause, barring the fact that Tony described you as a botanist and I've yet to see the Apricot throwing particularly sharp leaves at people," Loki said.

"That figures," Maya said with a slight rolling of the eyes. "What I actually am is a biological DNA coder running a team of 40 out of a privately funded think tank, but sure, you can call me a botanist."

"Ah. Not quite a florist, then. Two questions; what is your boss's name, and what interest does the Mandarin have in DNA?" Loki asked.

"Yeah, he's got a name," Maya replied. "Aldrich Killian. About the Mandarin's interest in DNA, I'm not sure, but-"

She kept talking, but Loki's brain had hit a wall somewhere around 'Killian'.

_Pepper!_

Loki's eyes snapped to his wristwatch. It was just after eleven in the morning. Tony's house had been attacked over an hour ago. Pepper had said she was rescheduling her coffee date with Killian from the early/mid-morning time it had been until later.

_How much later?_

_Pepper likes to get things out of the way as soon as possible._

But she hadn't called Loki to see if they'd survived the debacle at Tony's house. Pepper usually texted Tony, Loki or both of them after big Avengers battles, and this was an even bigger deal; it hadn't been confirmed if either of them had even survived.

 _She was attracted to him,_ Loki decided. _Her body language gave that away. She was looking forward to seeing him again. Well, shit._

"SADIE, call Pepper," Loki said out loud, breaking the spell of Maya looking at him confusedly.

"Calling Virginia Potts," SADIE said in her cool English accent.

"What does SADIE mean?" Maya asked curiously.

"Stark Always Does It Eventually," Loki said absently, praying that Pepper would pick up.

There was no answer.

"Fuck," Loki said. "Track Pepper's phone by GPS, SADIE."

There was a minute or two in which SADIE processed that request. "GPS tracking is deactivated, master. Phone of Virginia Potts is switched off."

"Too late," Loki breathed. "She must have gone to brunch."

"With Killian?" Maya asked.

Loki nodded stiffly.

He'd let her go. Without noticing.

No, he was no more than a business rival and friend of Pepper's, but he liked her, and realising that he'd focused on himself and forgotten to check on her stung. And now she was gone. Possibly in the hands of the Mandarin.

Which led Loki to another thought. "Why would he take Pepper? She knows nothing of anything relevant to what he is doing."

"She's important to you and Tony," Maya pointed out. "Killian liked her. He told me a couple of times."

"Traditionally one tries to win the objects of their affections over with sweet words, not mysterious disappearances. That said, I have no proof he's done anything. SADIE, log into public security cameras of Los Angeles, cross-reference to locate Pepper. Also, send Tony a text and tell him that Pepper may in trouble and to call me when he is available. Now, Maya," Loki said, trying to concentrate on the issue at hand. "Continue."

"Well..." Maya said, looking for a place to start when confronted with Loki's brisk manner. "Fun fact: before he built rockets for the Nazis, an idealistic Wernher von Braun dreamed of space travel. He stargazed," Maya said with a wry smile, covering her misery. "Do you know what he said when the first air raid hit London? The rocket performed perfectly. Just landed on the wrong planet. See, we all began wide-eyed. Pure science. Then the ego steps in, obsession, and...when you look up, you're a long way from shore."

Loki looked at her thoughtfully. "Blaming yourself is a waste of time and energy. You did what was necessary to fund your research; believe me, I've been there, though admittedly I relied more on bank loans and smiling as winningly as possible at rich old women than your dilemma."

"Yeah, but I thought this was being funded legitimately. This whole thing was done on government contracts. Military ones, I found out," Maya said bitterly.

"Stark Industries began much the same way. I've been lending my research and time to SHIELD for over half a year," Loki shrugged. "A scientist receives little to no funding, no matter how important their work may be. You have to get your own. However possible. If someone had offered me a million-dollar military contract when I started Laufeyson Corp I would have signed it so fast the ink would have smudged."

"Thanks, Loki," Maya said tiredly.

"More important than your perceived moral breakdown is the connections between Killian, the Mandarin, the military, and the fact that at least two of the likely perpetrators of Mandarin-based events have been returned military men," Loki said thoughtfully. "I'm sensing a lack of coincidences. Tell me more about Extremis. Start to finish, everything you know. We have plenty of time."

"Do we?" Maya said warily.

"Oh, yes," Loki said. "Tony is chasing our only lead; all I can do is wait for a new development and move from there. Meanwhile you and I have all the time in the world."

"Uhm..." Maya sounded unwilling.

"Is there a problem, Miss Hansen?" Loki asked. "Do you fear industrial espionage?"

Maya's reluctance to give Loki anything more than easily accessible details was confirming his suspicion that he was wise to not trust her. Clearly, she realised this, because she took a deep breath and began, starting with the little gap in the brain that could fit a new piece so easily.

-O.O-

It took Tony less time than one would expect to get to Tennesee. It was faster than the jet or public transport - a bus could take a day and a half - but he covered just over 2000 miles in just over an hour and a quarter. Yes, travelling at supersonic speeds did funny things to his digestive system, but it was quick.

And energy-sucking. Power levels weren't great, and he'd have to take a break from the Iron Man and - god willing - plug it into a wall socket, as ridiculous as that sounded.

Tony had called any available relatives of their not-so-friendly bomber. Only his mother had anything to say on the subject, and she'd agreed to meet up with him.

She worked late. She could only meet him that evening.

Tony found this to be highly inconvenient, but had to give in.

Meanwhile, he'd have to spend the afternoon getting a good look at the bombing site and whatnot.

As he was entering the general area of where Rose Hill was, JARVIS alerted him to a text from SADIE.

_Virginia 'Pepper' Potts likely in dangerous situation. Please contact Mr Loki Laufeyson when you are available. Office hours are between 8 and 5 on weekdays; consultations may take place outside of hours with appointment. - SADIE_

Did Loki seriously just send him a memo? SADIE had clearly mistaken what he'd been trying to say.

More importantly, Pepper was in trouble.

Pepper. Was in trouble.

First thing was first; he needed to land. Choosing one patch of grass covered in melted snow and mud, he cut the vast majority of his acceleration and let gravity finally have a say in his actions, flaring his flaps and feeling the familiar lurch of decceleration.

He looked around. His place of choice was someone's backyard, but as it was the middle of the day, hopefully no one was home.

Tony sat down in the suit awkwardly and got JARVIS to call Loki.

"Tony," Loki said warmly, almost as soon as it rang. "Maya was just treating me to an explanation of Extremis."

"Anything interesting?" Tony asked.

"As of yet, little of importance," Loki admitted. "Tony, I can't contact Pepper."

Tony didn't even bother if he'd tried calling her. Loki was no idiot. "Do you know anything about what she was doing today?"

"All I know is that at some point she was having coffee with the same man she was meeting with yesterday," Loki said. "Aldrich Killian. Who, funnily enough, is the same person Miss Hansen visited you to warn you about - she believes he is working for the Mandarin."

"Well, shit," Tony said.

"I wholeheartedly agree. To tie it all together, this selfsame Killian has the slightest of ties to your military, which provided one and possibly two of the attackers under the control of the Mandarin."

"Yeah, but the army's kind of a broad subject," Tony pointed out. "I mean, a military connection isn't the whole military."

"And I am willing to accept that this connection may be a simple coincidence, but for now, I factor it into my thoughts," Loki said. "More importantly, I'm trying to track Pepper."

"And Killian's definitely a person of interest. See what you can get on him, huh? I'm about to take a look at the bomb site. I'll get JARVIS to see if he can hunt down Pepper or Killian," Tony said, but was distracted by JARVIS warning him of a person in proximity. "Hold on, Loki. I'll call you back; I've bumped into someone."

Tony ended the call and lifted his head to see a kid with a mop of brown hair walking closer to him cautiously, clutching what looked like a potato gun.

"Are you Iron Man?" The kid said. "I thought you were dead."

"Yup, I'm the Iron Man," Tony said, lifting his faceplate up to give a winning smile. "Is this Rose Hill?"

"Yeah. What are you doing here?" The kid asked.

"Looking for something. You know anything about a guy that blew himself up a while back? Killed a bunch of people in the middle of town?" Tony said.

The kid did look a little suspicious, but he nodded.

Ah, yes. This kid would do excellently. "Can you show me where it is?"

Another nod.

"Three more things: one, can I borrow a power outlet, two, is that a potato gun, and three, what's your name?"

"Harley," the kid said. "You can use a power point, if you're actually Iron Man."

"Kid, I'm about as iron a man as you'll ever meet," Tony grinned, getting to his feet and levitating off the ground to prove it. "Potato gun? The barrel's a little long; you'll lose a bit of power like that."

Harley turned to the side and fired, hitting a can hard enough that it crumpled up and flew halfway across the slushy lawn.

Well.

Tony didn't like to be wrong. "Now you're out of ammo. Check and mate, kid. Wanna come get some lunch with me in town? I literally haven't eaten since dinner last night."


	4. Kiddywinks, Or Something Like Them

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony and Harley do some good ol' fashioned bonding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And then I split this chapter in half because it way already late and it was going on and on and on, so the chapter count's gone back up again. Ignore me; the author clearly isn't fit to make number-based decisions.
> 
> Akuma_River, I dedicate the Tony & Harley interactions in this chapter to you.

Tony, as it turned out, really liked the kid, despite the fact he was at an almost Lokish level of cutting to the centre of the issue.

Except for one thing. As they snuck around the side of the house to the garage, Harley said "We'll have to be quiet. My mum said I wasn't allowed to watch you on TV anymore, so she'd be really mad if she knew you were actually here."

That didn't seem particularly fair. "Why not? C'mon, kid, I'm awesome."

"She didn't like that you were marrying Lightningrod," Harley said, a little distractedly as he went into the wooden garage. "I think it's okay. He's cool, too. What do you think?"

This last bit was said with a bit of a flourish at the interior.

Tony loved it. It was a room after his own heart, with power tools, workbenches and a little relaxation area with a ratty couch. Most of the stuff was second-hand, well used and/or clumsily repaired, and Tony thought it was one of the best rooms he'd ever been in.

"Pretty good, kid. The outlet?" Tony said.

As Harley trailed through the room and fished out the nearest wall socket, Tony made the Iron Man nice and comfortable on the sofa. When he was connecting it, Harley said "What's that on your chest?"

No messing around. Tony liked that.

"It's a, uh, electromagnet," Tony said truthfully. "You should know. Got a box of them right over there."

"Does it power the Iron Man suit?" Harley asked.

"Yep," Tony said, making sure everything was connected. "Right, that's ready to go."

Harley still had questions.

Again, Tony liked that.

"How'd you survive your house being blown up?" He asked.

"Luck, and hiding. Two things I rely on more than I should," Tony said. "What, people really think I'm dead?"

"Apparently," Harley said, scooping up a newspaper from a bench and handing it to Tony. "You are."

Tony unfurled the paper to see his and Loki's own photo emblazoned on the cover. "Not bad. Should keep them off my back."

Harley was examining the Iron Man with interest. "What happened to him?"

"Life," Tony answered, still skimming the article. "I built him, I take care of him, and right now, he's tired from flying across our great nation. He's not actually broken."

"But you're still like a mechanic?" Harley said, looking at the helmet with fascination.

"Yeah."

"Woah," Harley said, wiggling the helmet on its neck joint back and forth. "If I was building Iron Man and War Machine-"

"It's Iron Patriot now," Tony cut in, miffed at the reminder.

He had hours to spare until his meeting. He totally had time to riff with a kid that didn't remind him of himself, _nope, not at all._

Harley's face lit up. "That's way cooler!"

"No it's not," Tony countered quickly.

Not at all put off, Harley continued. "Anyway, I would've added in the-" he ran his hands vaguely over the chestplate "-the retro..."

"Retroreflector panels?" Tony guessed.

"To make him stealth mode," Harley said in agreement.

"You want a stealth mode?" Tony said thoughtfully.

"Cool, right?" Harley said eagerly.

"That's actually a good idea. Maybe I'll build one." _You mean, I'll definitely do that. That's a great idea._

Harley was now tugging on one of the Iron Man's fingers, but fortunately, it didn't break.

"And that's not a good idea," Tony said. "You're gonna break his finger? Let the old man sleep."

"Sorry," Harley said.

"Are you?"

Harley gave him a cheeky smile.

 _You little shit,_ Tony thought fondly.

"So, uh, who's home, apart from your mum?" Tony asked.

"My mum's going to be going to work at the diner later hours, and dad went to 7-Eleven to get scratchers... I guess he won, 'cause that was six years ago."

"Hmm... which happens, dads leave, no need to be a pussy about it," Tony said cheerily. If there was anything he'd learned from life with Loki, it was that letting someone sulk about things solved nothing. "Here's the situation. I'm meeting with someone this evening. It's nearly lunchtime now and I haven't eaten since dinner last night. Unless you feel like making me a _lot_ of food, I think you should lend me a coat and we should go to a diner in town, stuff our faces, then you should show me the bomb site I mentioned before. Deal?"

Harley narrowed his eyes. "What's in it for me?"

Tony didn't have anything material on hand to offer him, except the Iron Man and parts thereof, and he wasn't _quite_ irresponsible enough to hand the kid a laser and tell him to go nuts.

However, he did have something.

"You'd be helping Iron Man, but I suppose that doesn't mean anything. What's his name?"

"Who?" Harley said suspiciously.

"The kid that bullies you at school. What's his name?" Tony insisted.

"How'd you know that?" Harley asked.

"Been there, done that. Look, I got just the thing."

Prying open a panel on the Iron Man, he retrieved a little thingie.

"It's not high-tech - I really need to do some upgrading, but I've been a bit preoccupied recently - anyway, this is a piñata for a cricket. I'm kidding, it's a piece of crowd control I thought up earlier in the year. Point it away from your face, press the button on top. It discourages bullying. Non-lethal, should cover your ass. We got a deal?" Tony said, putting on his best negotiation voice.

Harley went to grab the canister and take a look, but Tony wiggled it out of his grasp expectantly.

"Deal," Harley said, before eagerly examining the flare.

"Right. Let's get some lunch," Tony said.

-O.O-

Tony had moved past denial and was now fully accepting of the fact that Harley was like a tiny version of himself, down to the fact that the kid took all of the napkins and the free pencil from his kid's menu to start drawing up Tony's suggestions for improving his potato gun.

"No, don't make the barrel too short," Tony said, taking the pencil and correcting it. "Makes it faster, but brings down the accuracy, which is a complete waste. Finding the right balance between speed and accuracy might take you a few tries."

"I got it," Harley said, grabbng the pencil back. "So if I-"

"Yup," Tony said, snagging one of his fries and chomping it down.

In the end, seeing as Tony had literally hours to spare, he ended up staying in the diner until two o'clock with Harley, messing around, which was a lot more fun than he'd thought it would be. Eventually he ended up helping him with his science project that was due after Christmas Break, and hey, there's no one better to help you in that area than Tony Stark.

Eventually, though, he excused himself to go call Loki. Status reports and whatnot.

-O.O-

Loki, admittedly, was sitting in a puddle of science. To be more accurate, it was a large number of notes he'd been making about Extremis as Maya sat there bemusedly and corrected him on occasion, but a puddle wasn't an inaccurate description.

He'd spent the last two or so hours revising everything he could about the new technology while he learned about Aldrich Killian. Sadly, information on him was sparse, and a lot was classified.

Which didn't really stop Loki. It was just taking him longer, was all.

He knew, now, that Killian _did_ have military contracts, and they definitely related to Extremis, and that Killian himself had made a dramatic transformation from cripple to fabulous that could only be explained by dosing himself with the stuff.

Not that he was Loki's type. Too big and muscular.

Unfortunately, going deeper was actually something he couldn't just _do_ , and his only proper contact in the outright military - Rhodey - was proving to be surprisingly difficult to contact. He'd tried worming around it by using Natasha's username and password (and if she found out he had it, he'd likely be slain) but she didn't have correct clearance.

Fortunately, his slight frustration was broken when SADIE started playing Tony's ringtone, _Problem Child._

"Answer," Loki said brightly.

"Lokes. What've you got?"

"I'm not your Oracle," Loki said idly. "Apart from a great deal of information about Extremis - you should have paid more attention to Maya, this is very interesting - I've come across little applicable information about Aldrich Killian. He is most definitely linked to the military, though in what capacity I'm not certain."

"Why not? Just hack it," Tony said.

"It requires clearance I don't have, and Rhodes is not answering his calls," Loki explained. "Meanwhile, I'm keeping SADIE scanning to see anything else about Killian, such as owned properties, family relations, personal history...he is a surprisingly obscure man. I have been unable to find Pepper, either."

"Dammit. Does Maya know anything?" Tony said. Internally, Tony was panicking about that, but Loki was doing everything he'd do.

Loki raised an eyebrow at Maya. "She says she doesn't."

"Oh, come on, Sparkles. Take the stick out of your ass; she's probably all right."

Loki didn't answer that, but said "If you could perhaps get Rhodes to contact me, it would be hugely appreciated."

"Got it. Hey, I'm here with this kid, Harley, who's showing me around town; I bet you'd like him," Tony said.

"Oh? Why is that?" Loki asked curiously. It wasn't exactly often that Tony even mentioned children, much less implied Loki would like them.

"He's built himself his own lab in a garage, the potato gun he's made himself could probably fell a large animal, and he's definitely sharp. Cute as a button too."

Loki smiled involuntarily, mostly because he'd had his own potato gun when he was little until Frigga had taken it off him, on the grounds that he'd been trying to make it fire something more dangerous. "He's certainly made an impression on you."

"Yeah. Anyway, I've got a meeting with the exploding kid's mother later, but I've got a few hours to kill. I'm gonna give Rhodey a call then go look at the bomb site. Keep me posted, okay?"

"Certainly. I'll see you later."

-O.O-

Tony tried to call Rhodey, with little success - he was probably in a Very Important Military Thing or something - but got JARVIS to leave about twenty messages so he couldn't be ignored.

After that, he helped Harley write down final drafts of his various designs on real paper, not napkins, and gathered them up so he wouldn't lose them. Then they made their way across town.

It was around two o'clock, midwinter, so it was already getting a little darker, but there was plenty of light to see down the little side street.

This stub of a street lived up to the name. As well as the wrecked back wall, terrible scorch marks, and the enormous crater that dominated one's first impression, there was candle after candle lit in vigil.

It was good that Harley had lent him a coat to go over his undersuit, because a slightly cold shiver came over him.

As he walked closer, Tony saw the wreathes and photographs, and most chillingly, the shadows of people burned into the walls.

Well.

As Tony walked down the street, trailed by his child charge, the kid suddenly burst out in the question he'd probably been dying to ask since Tony landed in his garden.

"Can we talk about the alien invasions?" He said eagerly.

"Maybe later. Relax about it; I'm doing the serious investigation thing now," Tony said.

"What about the Avengers? Can we talk about them?" Harley said eagerly.

"Later," Tony insisted, slowing to take a good look at the blast radius.

"What about _Lightningrod?"_ Harley asked. From the corner of his eye, Tony was sure he saw the kid make something like a kissy face, then give a mischievious grin.

_Oh, Loki would love you._

"Later. All I've got to say there is that Loki's awesome," Tony insisted. "Look, what's the official story here? What happened?"

"I guess this guy named Chad Davis - he used to live aroundabouts, won a bunch of medals in the army, and one day folks said he went crazy and made, you know...a bomb. Then he blew himself up, right here," Harley explained.

Tony took this all in as he paced around, gently touching the scorched silhouettes on the walls and looking closer at the photographs.

_What a mess._

"Six people died, right?" Tony asked.

"Yeah," Harley said, taking a seat.

"Including Chad David," Tony said.

"Yeah," Harley agreed again.

Tony looked around again. It looked a lot like the Chinese Theatre debacle, but it was smaller owing to the narrower space. The blast pattern was nearly identical, from what he could see.

"Makes sense," Tony said, sitting down next to Harley. "Think about it. Six dead, only five shadows."

"Yeah. People said these shadows are like the mark of souls going to Heaven."

Tony somehow didn't think that was that likely.

"'Cept the bomb guy. He went to Hell and, kinda, he didn't get a shadow. That's why there's only five," Harley finished solemnly.

"You buy that?" Tony asked.

"That's what everyone says," Harley said.

There was just a moment of silence as Tony stared into the mark left by the explosion, before Harley piped up again.

"You know what this crater reminds me of?" Harley said.

"A doughnut?" Tony said. "A bed. That round bed I saw in an Ikea catalogue. I'm really tired, kid."

Harley grinned and made a skywards gesture. "That giant wormhole in, uh, in New York. Does it remind you?"

"Not really. Looks like a crater to me," Tony said, slightly irritated at Harley's insistence.

"Did you beat the aliens for good the other week?" Harley said eagerly. "Are they coming back?"

"Doubt it. Loki took care of their leader," Tony said. "There're more aliens out there, but they know not to mess with Earth now."

"Did Loki kill their leader?" Harley said enthusiastically. "With that big staff he has?"

"That's not really kid-appropriate stuff," Tony said.

"I see worse on TV. What did their boss look like?" Harley said.

 _I'm glad Loki's not here, or he'd be quite unhappy,_ Tony thought. "Big and grey. Look, it doesn't really matter. He's dead," Tony said. "I've got another two hours to kill. I'm going to call Rhodey, but after that, I want to go back to your garage and do some damage repair to the Iron Man. Got it?"

Harley nodded, smiling brightly. Evidently he was having a good day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd actually really love a comment or three = P I'd love to know what you think, and, well, I can't know that unless you tell me. Thanks to the people that do comment!


	5. At Least He Got The File

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In pursuit of just one goddamn file, Tony gets in a slightly dangerous situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It seems like every chapter of this is late. I need to sit down and just puke out a bunch of chapters. They should come easier now, though, because it starts to deviate from the movie more now.
> 
> Thank you so much to both readers and commenters = D

The sound of clinking glasses and Christmas carols came from inside the bar, already serving drinks to the masses at only a quarter to six.

 _Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer_ made Tony start giggling, because hey, _Reindeer Games._

Vowing to get Loki drunk one day and make him sing Christmas carols, Tony sent his eighth text to Rhodey (what was he doing that was more important than him?) and then went to call Loki.

"Mm?" Loki said, giving up on formal phone greetings after how often he'd answered a phone recently.

"Babe. What's happening?" Tony asked.

"Not much. I'm fairly certain I know more about Extremis now than the people who worked on it. Otherwise, I'm waiting for more information, or for Rhodes to call me back," Loki answered. "I'm very bored. Maya and I are playing strip poker."

"We're not!" Maya protested in the background. "It's Scrabble!"

"Same thing," Loki said, the smile evident in his voice. Then he sounded serious again. "No trace of Pepper, or Killian, unfortunately. Though I believe if we find one we will have found the other."

"You're probably right," Tony conceeded. "Look, I'm right about to talk to Davis's mother. I'll put you on speakerphone so you can hear, okay? Just don't...make noises."

"I thought you liked it when I was loud," Loki said, mock-innocently.

"Just...shhh," Tony said, trying not to giggle again. This was a serious moment.

Loki made a number of noises, one of which sounded like Scrabble letters being shuffled away, then said "Yes, go ahead."

Tony changed the phone to speakerphone, walked into the bar, and looked around for someone who could be Mrs Davis.

All in all, Tony was pretty glad he'd told Harley to keep his nose out of things. It was a slightly seedy place and he was occasionally more responsible than allowing a child to roam around there. Though, admittedly, one person at a bar did look like they'd barely made it out of elementary school, but that was probably just a fluke.

There. Sitting alone, fiddling with a set of dog tags and looking around for the man who'd called her.

"Mrs Davis?" Tony said when he reached her. "I'm the person who called you about Chad. Mind if I join you?"

"Free country," Davis shrugged.

 _Loki would disagree,_ Tony thought, saying "Sure is," and sitting down, placing his phone on the table as subtly as possible.

"All right," Davis said resignedly. "Where'd you like to start?"

"I just want to say I'm sorry about your loss," Tony said bluntly to begin. "I wanna know what you think happened."

Davis considered that for a moment before irritably scooping up the file at her elbow and plunking it on the table towards Tony. "Look. I brought your damn file. Take it. _Go."_

Tony hadn't even known there was a file - she'd just said she'd talk to him - but hey, yay.

"Whatever was in here, he wanted no part of it," Davis said.

Tony fiddled with the file, seeing photos of Chad David on site and several official looking forms, including one with MIA written at the top. Missing In Action? That could be relevant. But he clearly wasn't the person Mrs Davis thought he was, because she hadn't mentioned a file to him on the phone.

"Clearly, you're waiting for someone else," Tony stated, speaking absentmindedly. He'd just found something important.

Taggart, the man from the dogtags at the Chinese Theatre, was right next to Davis in the file.

The plot was thickening at quite a rate. Davis was almost certainly involved in the Mandarin attacks.

And a bomb wasn't a bomb when it was a misfire. Loki needed to know this, now.

He turned to Davis. "Mrs Davis, your son didn't kill himself, I guarantee you. He didn't kill anyone. Someone used him."

The look in Davis's eyes was pained. "What?"

"It's a weapon."

Realisation lit up in Davis's eyes after she considered him for a moment. She leaned forward and said "You're not the person I wanted to give his file to, are you?"

Something smacked down on the table between Tony and Davis and they both flinched. Also, Loki (or maybe Maya) made a strange noise over speakerphone, but fortunately no one noticed.

"Actually, I am," a woman said, and Tony lifted his head to see a cheery yet assertive looking woman smiling at him. It was not a nice smile.

It then clicked for Tony that the object that had been so cruelly slapped onto the table was an FBI badge.

Then the woman grabbed his hand, wrenched him to his feet and bent him over the table in a half-nelson. Realising things were about to go down, Tony snatched the dogtags and his phone and stuffed them both into the coat Harley had lent him.

"Hey, hey, hey!" A voice belonging to a police officer said. "What's going on here?"

"It's called an arrest," the woman said, cuffing Tony and dumping him on his ass on the floor. "Sheriff, is it?"

"Yes, ma'am, it is," the sheriff replied sternly. "And you are?"

Tony was vaguely considering crawling away on his belly.

"Homeland Security," the woman said. "We good here?"

The sheriff seemed to be in a state of disbelief. "No, we're not good. I need a little more information than that."

"Well, I think it's a little above your pay grade, sheriff," the woman said.

Davis looked at Tony for directions. A quick nod at Chad's file led Davis to subtly place it on the floor and slide it away while the woman wasn't looking.

"Yeah, well, why don't you get on the horn to Nashville and, uh, _upgrade_ me," the sheriff retaliated, not appreciating the condescension.

"All right, you know what? I was hoping to do this the smart way, but, uh-" Tony watched with horror as the woman's hand started to glow red around her badge "-the fun way's always good."

"Deputy, get this woman outta-" the sheriff began, cut off by the woman's scorching badge pressed to the side of his face.

Several people screamed as his flesh scorched.

"Tony?" Loki said from Tony's pocket. "I hear screaming. On a scale of one to Chinese Theatre, how much danger are you in?"

"I'm fine," Tony said lowly as the woman burned the sheriff again.

Then she shot him and Tony winced. "More fine than that guy."

Realising that she'd be coming for him next - he did seem to be her original target, after all- Tony made a break for the door and escaped into the snow.

"Being attacked by someone red hot, and not in any good way," Tony said quickly to his pocket as she followed him. "Hey, Hot Wings, you wanna party? You, me, let's go."

"Does she have Extremis?" Maya said.

"Maybe?" Tony said. "What does that look like?"

Up ahead on the road, a man was getting out of a car - not normally a noteworthy event, but considering it was the same guy Happy had been suspicious of and he was glowing too, this was perhaps something he should be paying attention to.

"Another glowing guy," Tony said as the guy smiled benignly and tipped out his drink, clearly preparing to kick some ass. He relayed as much to Loki and Maya.

The man raised his gun and was about to fire when a snowball pelted him in the back and he missed.

Spotting Harley hiding behind a power pole, Tony thanked the kid internally as he kept drawing the Extremis-infused people away from the crowd gathering to watch.

"Are they glowing faintly red-hot, and are their irises red?" Maya asked.

"Yes and yes," Tony said. "Got any miracle weak spots?"

"Maybe in a comic book," Maya said dryly. "They're stronger than you, Tony. It'll take you a lot of effort to take them down. I'd say run for it and hope you're lucky."

"Do you have the Iron Man?" Loki asked.

"Not here."

"Get to it, if possible," Loki said. "Ordinary little Tony will not suffice."

"I'd be offended if I wasn't terrified," Tony said, sprinting away and ducking behind a car to find a man cowering there. "Crazy, huh?" Tony said to him.

The man nodded. "Yep."

"Well, watch this," Tony said, getting to his feet and jumping through a shop window.

"Tony, what the fuck-" Loki said as Maya yelped in alarm.

Tony hit the shop floor hard, grunting in pain before choking out a "I'm fine, dear!" and scrambling to his feet. Doing this still handcuffed was proving to be a bitch. He needed to do something about that.

He looked behind him to find the Extremis woman pointing a shotgun at him from outside.

Well.

Taking a run up, he dove over the counter of the store, shattering a few objects but at least avoiding the shotgun blast that followed. He hit the cupboards behind the counter hard.

"That sounded like a shotgun. Tony, what the fuck is going on?" Loki said.

"Shhh!" Tony snapped at his pocket, looking over the counter to see the Extremis woman taking off her jacket in preparation to presumably commit homicide. "Tony's busy. Leave a message."

Creeping along the counter, Tony made it to the door and was getting to his feet when the woman seized him rather suddenly and shoved him against a wall.

Maya was right; she was ridiculously strong. She punched him in the side of the head and Tony lurched awkwardly to the side, disorientated.

What followed was Tony getting the crap beaten out of him by an angry superhuman and ending up pinned against the wall, her hands glowing red hot as she went to burn him.

Using the wall as leverage, Tony shoved his way out of her grip. He pressed her handcuffs to her throat; either she'd choke or she'd burn through them, and either option gave him an advantage.

She picked the latter. His hands were free!

Tossing off the handcuffs, Tony considered his next course of action. He was in a kitchen of sorts. She was glowing hot and looking scary as fuck.

As he'd learned at a young age, kitchens were full of flammable things. Grabbing a large container of oil, he tipped it out and kicked it across the floor while shuffling away through a set of doors to the main body of the kitchen at great speed.

The oil caught light from his still-glowing handcuffs when he kicked those at the oil, causing a wall of fire between Tony and the Extremis woman.

"Lokes, Maya, I'm still alive," Tony reported, stuffing Davis's dogtags in the microwave.

"Well, that's never a bad thing," Loki grumbled at being left out of what was going on.

It probably should've been obvious to Tony that the woman would just _walk_ through the flames, but hey, he'd bought time.  
Turning on the microwave, Tony said "You walked right into this joke; I've dated hotter chicks than you."

The woman shoved her way through the doors, scorching hot and looking decidedly smug. Tony could change that. Namely through the gas pipe that he yanked out.

"That's all you got?" She said. "Cheap trick and a cheesy one-liner?"

"Sweetheart," Tony said, preparing to run for it. "That could be the name of my autobiography."

And then he bolted out the door, sheltering behind the door of an ice bin and hoping that his scientific attack would be in the money. Judging by the enormous explosion, it was.

"Well," Tony said to his pocket. "I think she's pretty dead, guys."

While Maya sounded a little disturbed, Loki let out a noise that could be a purr.

"What about the other guy you mentioned?" Maya asked.

That question was answered by a dangerous _clang._ Tony's head whipped to the side to see a water tower lurching, one of the support beams being melted by the Extremis man.

Tony was really starting to hate those guys. He ran away, his head occasionally whipping back to check on the odds of him being crushed.

With an almighty _crash!_ the water tower came down, crushing a small building and sending water everywhere. The town would never forgive Tony for this mess.

The water tugged on Tony, half-drowning him and battering him with debris where he was clinging on for safety. That was probably the end of his phone.

Once the current slowed, Tony tried to wriggle free, only to find himself locked in place by a girder enveloping his foot.

"Let me go!" A kid's voice shouted.

_Harley._

"Help me, help me!" The Extremis man said in a falsetto, grinning smugly at Tony as he fought to escape.

Enjoying watching Tony struggle, the Extremis man took a seat, forcing Harley onto his knee and mockingly saying "Anyway, what would you like for Christmas?"

"Mr Stark, I am so sorry!" Harley called despairingly.

"No, no, no, I think he's trying to say _I want my goddamn file,"_ the Extremis man said.

"Not your fault," Tony said to Harley, playing it serious. He had an idea. "Remember what I told you about bullies?" Tony asked, hoping Harley would catch the hint.

Realisation flickered across Harley's face before he retrieved the flare he'd been given and fired it in the Extremis man's face.

Tony wished he'd been able to give the kid something a little less dangerous - _dammit,_ he needed to do upgrades - but it would do.

The flare fired, sparking and burning a wound in the Extremis man's cheek before rocketing a hundred metres and exploding in bright colours.

As the man fell back in shock, Harley escaped from his grip and ran for it.

"You like that, West World?" Tony mocked as he again tried to escape.

Right then, Tony realised that he had no back-up plan. Except a screwdriver borrowed off Harley, which wasn't much use.

The man stalked closer, leaning over Tony and giving him a faceful of halitosis and chewing gum. "Enough messing around, Stark. Where's the file?"

"Okay, okay," Tony said, readying the screwdriver. "It's just right - _here!"_

With that, Tony thrust forward with the screwdriver and managed to bury it in the man's eye, resulting in screaming before he fell to the ground. Ew.

In a gargantuan burst of strength, Tony broke free from where he was wedged and ran faster than he had in years. It went without saying that slow running risked death.

"Hey, Mr Stark!" Harley called as Tony made it down the main street.

"Yeah, hi, kid. That guy's gonna be after me in a minute, so either run or hide," Tony said shortly.

"Uh-" Harley began worriedly.

"How about this. You go to the bar I was in. Look under the furniture 'til you find a file. Bring it to your garage without being seen. I meet you there," Tony said.

Harley looked uncertain.

 _"Do it!"_ Tony said, more forcefully.

Harley finally followed his directive, running into the bar.

It was Tony's good luck that Harley didn't live too far from town, or he'd be in a lot of trouble. It only took him a few minutes to get to Harley's garage, force the lock and get into the Iron Man.

Then he walked out, took off and went to make sure Harley was okay.

"JARVIS, call Loki," Tony instructed. His phone was completely screwed.

Loki picked up immediately. "Tony? What happened?"

"Asshole tipped over a water tower. My phone is wrecked, I'm in the Iron Man suit and I need to get out of Dodge. But I'll have Davis's file in a minute, so this whole adventure's been worth it," Tony said.

"Good," Loki said. "I'd rather you didn't take a few hours to return here, so would you be against teleporting?"

"No, I was going to suggest it," Tony said. Then he spotted Harley walking like a kid with a secret down a back street of town, the file stuffed in his coat. "Hold up."

Tony landed next to him and lifted his faceplate, holding out a gauntleted hand for the file. "Hey, kid. Thanks for the file and the charging time."

Harley pouted, handing it over. "You're _welcome."_

"Oh, what? You got to have an Iron Man adventure; that's a hell of a story for the kids at school."

"I saved your life," Harley pointed out impishly.

"A, I saved you first, and B, thanks, I guess. I'm sorry, I gotta go. My planet needs me," Tony said.

As he said that, something appeared on the ground next to him very suddenly. Something smooth and black.

Loki's phone! Score.

Bending down to pick it up, Tony told JARVIS "Jay, connect to Loki's phone, calculate teleportation energy from here to Lo's Miami house."

Harley was still pouting. "Admit it. You need me. We're connected."

It was pretty admirable that he managed to say that with a straight face.

"What I need is for you to go home, live with your mum and keep your mouth shut," Tony said. "I'm grateful, yeah, but I'm also busy."

He was just about to tell JARVIS to activate the teleporter when Harley affected an impressively sad face and said "And now you're just gonna leave me here? Like my dad?"

Tony narrowed his eyes. "You're guilt-tripping me, aren't you?"

Harley's eyes grew even wider and he huddled deeper into his clothing. "I'm _cold."_

"I can tell," Tony said sarcastically. "You know how I can tell? 'Cause we're _connected._ See you, kid."

And with that he activated the teleporter, vanishing from Tennessee while vowing to recompensate Harley in some way.

-O.O-

Tony appeared suddenly in Loki's open-plan living room, thunking down onto the polished wooden floor, his heart jumping to a rapid rate.

Maya and Loki were looking at him expectantly. To his amusement, Loki was in his work-out clothes, complete with his hair in a ponytail.

Loki looked down, then made a face. "You scratched my floor."

"Casualty of war," Tony said, holding out the file and phone. When Loki got to his feet and took them off him, Tony stepped out of the suit. "Honey, I'm home."

Loki smiled surprisingly warmly, glad to see him, and pressed their lips together gently before checking him over for injuries. Apart from a general bodily throb from where that woman had beaten him, and a sore ankle from girder, he'd been worse. "You need a shower," Loki said. "Where have you been, a cesspit?"

"Water tower, actually," Tony said. "I got you the file."

"Excellent. Let's research," Loki said enthusiastically, dropping back onto the couch with the file and beginning to leaf through it.


	6. What Even Is A Mandarin?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki and Tony (and Maya) decode a bit of what's going on. Suitably annoyed, they go for the attack, and are a little disappointed with what they find.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm dying of a migraine, but I'm posting this because I like you people. All spelling mistakes and other proofready fuckups are due to my brain collapsing on itself.

The first thing any of them did was read the whole file back to front and see what they could get out of it.

And the first thing Loki noticed was that what Tony had thought was 'MIA' stamped on a sheet was actually 'AIM' on the other side.

The phrase 'The plot thickens' had been thrown around a lot recently, but damn, was it applicable.

"We need Rhodes," Loki said after going through everything. "Now."

"SADIE, ring Rhodey. And keep ringing him until he picks up. So. We know from my adventures in the New Year," Tony said with a smirk at Maya. "That when you piss Extremis off it explodes. We also know that Killian has lots of access to Extremis and it's probably the weapon the Mandarin's been using, 'cause there hasn't been any bomb casings or anything. So they're teaming up. Last, they have Pepper. We need to find Killian, and when we're there, we'll find Pep and the Mandarin."

"Unfortunately, we cannot track Killian," Loki sighed. "Until Rhodes calls us."

"Sirs and ma'am, I believe there is something of interest to you occurring," SADIE said.

"What's that?"

"Another Mandarin broadcast, sir," SADIE replied flatly.

"Turn it on!" Loki said urgently.

"Track the transmission," Maya pointed out.

"SADIE, do it," Loki confirmed.

Then they watched the transmission. All of them were trying to dissect what they were looking at, at least until they were diverted from that train of thought by the Mandarin threatening to kill an accountant begging at his feet.

The Mandarin told the president to call him.

"Very clever," Loki breathed in disbelief. "He has to call, or face the fury of the viewing public, but by following an order he places himself in a position of less power. Neat."

"Not supposed to enjoy this, Sparkles," Tony shot back distractedly.

"I meant tidy," Loki corrected.

They all flinched in horror as the man on the floor was apparently shot.

After a long, weight silence: "There's just one lesson left, President Ellis, so run away, hide, kiss your children goodbye, because nothing, not your army, not your red, white and blue attack dog can save you! ... I'll see you soon."

The transmission ended with the Ten Rings symbol, followed by a hysterical news broadcast.

"Well," Tony said. "That was cheery."

"It was positively spine-tingling," Maya agreed dryly.

"SADIE. Anything from Rhodes?" Loki asked.

"No, master," SADIE said.

"Damn. Somehow I have a bad feeling about this final lesson, and I'd quite like to prevent it," Loki said.

"He has answered, sir," SADIE said suddenly.

"Finally," Tony groaned.

"Tony, make this quick," Rhodey snapped aggressively. "I'm more than a little busy cleaning up the Mandarin's mess."

"Where are you?" Tony asked.

"It's classified, but it ends with '-stan'," Rhodey said.

"Cool. Bring me something nice. What's your password for your military login?" Tony asked.

"I can't tell you that," Rhodey said. "I have to change it every time you hack in."

"No one says hack anymore, Rhodey. I bet you can tell me. Try moving your mouth," Tony said.

Loki rolled his eyes at Tony's sass and said "Rhodes, this is Loki Laufeyson. It's an honour to finally meet the man Tony's been talking about, but I can weep over my new acquaintance later. Tony and I are conducting our own investigation and I believe we're a little further ahead than you are; however, we need access to your files. I'll be happy to reimburse you in whatever way you feel necessary. Just do it."

"Good to meet you too, Laufeyson," Rhodey said. "Look, it's my neck on the line here-"

"And I have considerable influence on SHIELD and therefore on your superiors," Loki countered.

"You're marrying a Pepper, Tony," Rhodey sighed.

"He's definitely a Loki, not a Pepper," Tony said. "To summarise what my lovely Loki just said, _give us the password."_

Rhodey gave yet another aggrieved sigh. "Username's WARMACHINE68. Password's WARMACHINEROX, all caps, 'rox' with an 'x'. Don't call me again unless you've got the Mandarin in handcuffs."

"I'll buy you a drink," Loki said, disconnecting the call. "SADIE, log on to the military server using that passcode."

In a moment, they had access to everything they needed to finish the Extremis trail.

"SADIE, two tasks; find all files pertaining to Extremis, and begin tracing the recent transmission of the Mandarin's," Loki commanded.

When SADIE presented to them video clips of people undergoing Extremis treatment, Maya looked upset. "It wasn't at a stage of testing where it could be used on people," she said. "I didn't want this."

Loki rested his hand on her knee, patting reassuringly in an absentminded way, and Tony copied him.

"Shit happens," Tony said. "My research has gone awry before, Maya. It's what you do to fix it. But these guys-" he pointed at the woman on screen, before switching to a clip of a man - "They're the guys who attacked me. And then they explode. Mystery solved. Extremis is the weapon."

"SADIE," Loki said. "Any progress?"

"I have access to the current tracking program in place, master," SADIE said. "However, the satellite signal has been redirected to several different locations."

"SADIE, I built you," Tony interjected. "I know you're faster than their shitty tech. Give me a location."

"One moment, my genesis," SADIE said.

"Does she always kiss this much ass?" Maya asked.

"Tony programmed her that way," Loki shrugged.

"Yeah, under the assumption that you'd like it," Tony replied.

"She can be a tad simpering at times," Loki smirked.

"Oh, come on, you love feeling like a god," Tony said. "I'd know better than anyone, you kinky little shit."

"I would make a full and detailed rebuttal, but I don't want to burn Maya's delicate ears," Loki said wickedly.

"I've heard worse," Maya said. "My second boyfriend had one hell of a dirty talk kink."

"Bet he couldn't do it like Loki can," Tony grinned.

"Sirs and ma'am, I have traced the original transmission of the most recent Mandarin broadcast," SADIE interjected.

Everyone sat up straight. "Where?" Loki asked.

SADIE told them an address.

In Miami.

"They're in the same city as us," Tony said in disbelief.

"SADIE, bring up a map of the neighborhood, show our current location and the Mandarin's location," Loki said.

SADIE brought up a holographic map, which Loki took a look at.

"They're literally walking distance away," Loki spluttered, out of words for once. "Hold on a moment."

Loki got to his feet and walked briskly away, a light _pat pat pat_ signalling that he was going upstairs. "I can see the Mandarin's _fucking_ house from here!" He shouted back downstairs angrily.

Aha. Loki had two types of speech; one where he was polite and demure, and one where he swore in every sentence. He had evidently reverted to the latter.

"Well," Tony said to Maya. "I wasn't actually expecting that."

Loki walked back into the room, looking irritated with his teeth bared. "I have been sitting here all afternoon playing _Scrabble-"_ he made a noise of frustration, then sat down and took a deep breath, trying to form a new plan.

"So. We attack?" Tony said.

"I suppose so," Loki said. There was definitely something of a sulk in his tone.

-O.O-

The simple fact was that using the Lightningrod suit was playing the odds a bit. Loki's pacemaker cells in his heart were mostly damaged. If they all stopped regular function, neither Tony nor Loki nor Loki's cardiologist actually knew what would happen. However, in the name of safety, they were going with the worst case scenario, wherein Loki died.

This was obviously not quite the desired result. Thusly, they wanted to avoid using the Lightningrod suit, which was a real bitch when you wanted to storm a guarded mansion.

Tony and Loki had come up with a solution; Tony would wear the Iron Man, and Loki would wear the Lightningrod suit, but not activated in case of, well, death. Instead, Loki had a SHIELD pistol - obtained legally, of course - and two steak knives and would try to stay out of the way.

Both of them were actually getting rather tired by this point - they hadn't slept for nearly two days straight, which wasn't something unusual in itself, but it hadn't been a very _restful_ two days. Anything but.

The solution, of course, was to drink two cups of coffee, and in Loki's case, trip over Maya's foot and smack his funny bone on the coffee table.

"You know, Lo'lo," Tony said, helping him to his feet. "I've heard a lot of people say you're all perfectly balanced and graceful like a cat. But damn, you're a clumsy guy."

Loki muttered poisonously under his breath. "It's the brain damage, you _ass."_

 _Which_ was a slightly sore subject, and Tony did feel like an ass for mentioning it.

"Right. Anyway, Maya, stay here and don't throw any wild parties," Tony said with a cheery wave.

Loki looked thoughtful before giving Maya a goodbye wave and walking out the door. He spoke to SADIE externally. "SADIE, prevent Maya from leaving as much as possible. Alert me if she does or if she attempts to contact anyone."

"You're only paranoid because everyone's out to get you, huh, Lokes?" Tony said wryly, before letting Loki climb on him piggyback as they usually travelled.

"I'm not paranoid, just cautious," Loki said bluntly, looking a little childish as they took off like that.

-O.O-

They did not go for the subtle approach.

Tony quite simply swooped down and blasted the night guards head over heels with low-power repulsor blasts, landed neatly on the ground, and kicked in the front door, Loki following.

The place was actually a disgusting mess. All sorts of things were lying all sorts of places.

"The smell of this place is not unlike my flat in college," Loki noted.

"Luxury," Tony agreed.

"The question is, who'll be awake at midnight around here?" Loki wondered, his pistol raised as the pair of them slowly advanced further into the house.

There was a woman passed out on the couch in a green dress, opposite a sleeping man in a chair who was wearing a tidy suit with a visible gun bulge.

"No one, hopefully," Tony murmured.

Moving as quietly as possible, they pushed open a nice set of white doors, looking around cautiously. Granted, they didn't really know what they were looking for.

"I think we've found ground zero," Loki said lowly, looking around the room at the screens, some of which showed images of the Ten Rings symbol and the Mandarin.

The room was full of recording and editing equipment. As they moved a little further on, they came to similar sets to the one that had been used for the Mandarin's transmissions.

"So a lot of it's done here," Tony pointed out quietly. "The editing of their broadcasts, if not all of it. Which might mean the Grape's around here somewhere."

Then they rounded a corner to find a rather dramatic and imposing bed, with silhouettes of people sleeping in it.

Weapons at the ready, they crept forward to either side of the bed and after a nod, yanked the covers back.

The man and two women in the bed awoke with a start, looking terrified and putting their hands up as soon as they realised what was going on.

"Did we literally just catch the Mandarin with his pants down?" Loki said in disbelief.

Because the man was the Mandarin, or at least, he looked a hell of a lot like him.

"What the bloody hell is going on?" The Mandarin spluttered in what was definitely not the accent they'd been expecting. It was...English.

"Don't move," Tony said, his voice electronic through the helmet.

"I'm not moving," the Mandarin said, looking around in fear. "You want something, take it; although, the guns are all fake because the wankers wouldn't trust me with a real one..."

"What?" Tony said, incredulous. Loki's expression was fairly similar.

"Do you fancy either of the birds?" The Mandarin said. The two women in his bed looked both confused and a little scandalised.

"I think I've heard enough," Loki said in a final way. "You're not the Mandarin. Is there actually a Mandarin? Because on thought, everything has been Killian, barring your television appearances."

"What I think he means," Tony said frustratedly, preparing to fire a repulsor. "Is _where the fuck is the real guy?"_

The Mandarin - or whoever he was - cringed away from the weapons, pulling his blanket back up his waist.

"Woah, woah. He's here, he's here but he's not here," the man said. "He's here but he's not here. It's complicated."

Tony made a growling noise.

"Hey, it's complicated!" The man protested.

"Uncomplicate it. Ladies, out," Tony said, gesturing for the women to make a run for it, which they gratefully did.

"And stay there," Loki said with a suspicious look. "Tony, I wish to inspect this editing equipment. Interrogate him."

"Gotcha, babe," Tony said with a nod. Then he turned back to the man. "Speak up."

"Uh...My name's Trevor," the man said. "Trevor Slattery."

How helpful.

"What's your role in this?" Tony demanded.

"What, like an understudy?" Trevor said, a little mortified. "Absolutely not. I'm an actor."

When saving the world, or at least America, it couldn't just be simple, could it?

"Tell me everything or lose your face," Tony said.

"The transmissions do indeed originate here!" Loki called.

"Just a role," Trevor explained, making spooky hand gestures. "The 'Mandarin', see, it's not real."

"Then how'd you get here, Trevor?" Tony asked. Getting this guy to talk was like watching a snail race.

"Well...I...uh...had a little problem," Trevor said. "With, uh, substances. And I ended up, um, doing things - no two ways about it! - in the street that a man shouldn't do-"

"Oh, god, just cut to the goddamn point," Tony groaned.

"Then, they-" he made a vague gesture at the room around him. "Approached me for this role, and they knew about the drugs-"

"They said they'd get you off them?" Tony said, trying to paraphrase.

"They said they'd get me more!" Trevor corrected happily.

"Great. Fantastic. I'm running on a time constraint, here," Tony said. "Your boss has a friend of mine. Long story short, there is no Mandarin, and you're a nice foreign face for the American people to hate?"

Trevor nodded enthusiastically.

What a waste of good air.

-O.O-

Loki was running through various files. All of the Mandarin recordings were on there; all of them had Trevor as the star and there were preprocessed ones that showed the greenscreen and special effects noticeably. Movie magic. No Mandarin required.

Which meant Killian was the sole bad guy, and he was just looking for a fall guy to cover up the people exploding.

As he worked, Loki felt a funny prickling on the back of his neck, which could only mean someone was there.

Loki's plan was to duck and lash out in a kick, then follow up with a pistol shot.

His foot felt like it had hit concrete, putting him off balance. His attacker simply kneed him in the throat before punching him in the forehead where his horned helmet didn't cover and knocking him out cold.

-O.O-

Tony heard the soft noise of something happening out of sight. "Loki?" He said.

The man who'd been after him in Rose Hill rounded the corner, looking smug. He looked less smug when he saw the Iron Man, but several other armed men burst through the door they'd originally come through.

Assuming Loki was in trouble, Tony got ready to fight.


	7. And The Horse You Rode In On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki and Killian have a slight heart-to-heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here, have a chapter. It's a tad violent, and it deviates from the movie rather a lot. Go nuts.

Tony hadn't heard Loki cursing or defending himself, so it seemed reasonable to assume he'd already been caught.

"Hurt Happy, I'll hurt you back tenfold," Tony growled. "Hurt Pepper, and I'll destroy you. So now you've hurt Loki and gone three for three, you _really_  don't want to know what I'm going to do."

The armed guards clearly didn't look too sure of themselves, but raised their weapons.

"Iron Man, surrender peacefully and you won't be hurt," one of them said.

"Yeah, right," Tony snorted, taking him out with a repulsor blast.

The others sprang into action, their bullets mostly bouncing off him harmlessly - Trevor had run for it already - while Tony picked them off with repulsors and low-level weaponry, wanting to save the good stuff for a bigger fight.

With them dispatched, Tony moved off to where Loki had been.

Loki wasn't there.

Where would they take him?

Tony figured that prison cells were likely to be underground, so he moved quickly, looking for stairways downward while he got JARVIS onto accessing security and telling him where Loki was.

He found just one stairway, but a quick look down told him that it was heavily guarded.

JARVIS alerted him to someone approaching. Tony whirled around to find the same guy who'd attacked him in Rose Hill, grinning lazily and chewing gum.

"How the hell did you get here so quickly?" Tony said irritably, blasting him back with a repulsor.

It didn't have much of an effect. He healed the scorched flesh, before grabbing a little metal stag from an ornamental table, heating it white-hot, and chucking it at Tony, who dodged it neatly.

"Fuck off! I'm looking for someone!" Tony snapped.

Tony fired a low-power missile at him, blowing a chunk out of his stomach and temporarily knocking him back. He was hesitant to attack the stairwell with that asshole behind him, but he needed to find Loki.

"Come and get me, sunshine," Tony said, heading into the next room. But the guy didn't appear, at least until he leaped out from another room behind him and sank a glowing hand into Tony's thigh plate.

"Fuck!" Tony shouted, lashing out with that leg and firing the repulsor on that boot. It burned his attacker's leg, but that didn't do much. Not with Extremis.

There was a burn on Tony's thigh, he could feel it.

"Just _die_  already!" Tony snapped, blasting him repeatedly in the chest with repulsors, before firing a missile and taking out a large chunk of his ribcage.

Unfortunately, there were inevitably more guards coming, and these ones had larger calibre weapons and energy blasters. While the Iron Man was designed to absorb electricity, it wasn't capable of withstanding what they were aiming at him.

He needed to get out.

-O.O-

He did manage to simply blast his way out of the house, but that didn't get him any closer to Loki.

"JARVIS, what you got for me?" Tony said as he levitated over the house.

"I cannot access the system, sir," JARVIS said.

"Track the energy from Loki's arc reactor," Tony said. "Find him,  _come on!"_

JARVIS waited a moment, loading, before saying "There is too much interference from Extremis activity, sir."

"Fuck it!" Tony said angrily. "I'll fight my way in!"

He had a lot of combat ahead of him.

-O.O-

"Which window did you break?" Loki asked when he saw Maya creep into the room. He was bound to a bedframe, naked apart from his underwear - they'd peeled him out of the Lightningrod - and quite pissed off. "I'll have to call a glazier."

When Maya looked away, not saying anything, Loki continued. "You know, last time I woke up almost naked and tied to a bedframe, I had a lot more fun."

Loki had woken up shortly after he'd been dragged down there, being more stunned than concussed, which was good, because a full knock-out and he would have woken up without half his memories. He'd had the Lightningrod forcibly taken off him and then had been strung up, and there he stayed while he awaited the boss.

Maya was determined to not look at Loki.

"Also, the other person in the room was naked," Loki continued, hoping she would snap. "And yes, I am making a suggestion."

Maya finally turned around to look at him, a wry smile on her face. "Happy memories, huh?"

"Verily," Loki deadpanned. "I was serious. Which window did you break?"

"The stained glass one in your bathroom," Maya answered, getting up and moving towards him. "No cameras in there."

Loki was genuinely irked by that. "That window was from Kazakhstan. In fact, it was the only expensive window in the house. You broke it."

"I'm sure you can afford a new one," Maya said, looking pointedly at the arc reactor glowing gently green in Loki's sternum. "What's that in your chest?"

"It's a nightlight, Maya. I never did conquer my fear of darkness," Loki said dryly, which was fairly fitting, considering how murky the room was. Only a little bit of artificial light filtered in the windows to join the lamp on the desk. The room contained rather a lot of lab equipment. "An arc reactor."

"What does it do?" Maya said curiously, reaching out to touch it.

Loki flinched away slightly. "I think we're ignoring the elephant in the room. You betrayed Tony and I. I'm not surprised, merely annoyed."

"I did what was necessary. Killian has money," Maya said, again looking away from Loki.

"As opposed to the two billionaire scientists with an interest in your research that spent all afternoon with you," Loki said.

"That's now. This was thirteen years ago and Tony called me a  _botanist,"_  Maya said, her lip curling a little on the last word. "I don't think he would have funded me then."

"Don't be bitter; it's a cliche," Loki said dryly. "Bygones being bygones, I'm offering to fund Extremis and give you a lab right now if you let me go. I don't fancy death or any other negative consequence at Killian's hands."

"He's promised not to hurt you, Loki. He just needs Tony to finish the missing link in Extremis and make it fully stable," Maya said.

"What a relief. The terrorist has promised to not hurt me," Loki said. "Though I admit, people exploding is a major downside."

"But we have you now," Maya said, holding up a battered nametag that simply said 'You Know Who I Am'. She turned it over to reveal something vaguely mathematical. "You can apply this and fix Extremis, I know it."

Loki looked at it. From what he knew of Extremis, Tony's equation - Loki would recognise that handwriting anywhere - did fit into the scheme of things, and he almost knew how. Not that he wanted to let Maya know how much he knew.

"I almost certainly can. I can also provide an almost limitless cash supply and a secure working environment, provided you let me out of here," Loki said. "Killian will get it out of me, and I shudder to think how. It's all on you, Maya."

Maya looked uncertain. She moved towards him, like she was about to break him out, before a male voice became somewhat audible in the distance and she moved away in fear.

_Killian._

Loki began testing his bonds in earnest. They were zip ties, but of average quality, not heavy duty. Likely they were extremely strong but the catches were vulnerable to a quick, hard yank.

Loki specialised in quick, hard yanks.

"You know what my old man used to say?" The voice said as the man behind it came into the room. "One of his favourite of many sayings. 'The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.'"

"You know what my fiance says in times like this?" Loki said in his most cordial voice. "'Fuck you and the horse you rode in on'. Crude, but effective."

"Now, now, Laufeyson," Killian said calmly. "We've only just met. No need to start so hostile."

"I'm tied to a bed at your word. I'm fully within my rights to be hostile," Loki said dryly. Now, by Loki's reckoning, was the time when Killian began a dramatic villain rant about seeing the light or wanting revenge or some bullshit. Having already heard one or two of those in his time - and when you'd heard one, you'd heard them all - Loki just wanted it over.

Maya looked mildly uncomfortable. And guilty, but Loki figured she deserved to feel like that.

"I've got a lot to say to Tony when I see him. A few thank you's. But all you need to know, Loki Laufeyson, is that anonymity is power. You and Stark are all noise. It's better to simply rule from behind the scenes. Because the second you give evil a face - Bin Laden, Gaddafi, the Mandarin - you hand the people a target." As he spoke, Killian walked around the room, wrapped up in his own cleverness.

Loki looked unimpressed. "That was a little obvious."

"You have met him, I assume," Killian said, taking a seat at the desk.

"I have," Loki said. "It was an experience."

"I know he's a little...over the top sometimes - it's not entirely my fault, he has a tenden - he's a stage actor. They say his Lear was the toast of Croydon, wherever that is," Killian said breezily.

"London," Loki said.

"Anyway, the point is, ever since that big blue portal opened over New York, subtlety's kind of had its day," Killian finished.

"Do you have any idea how boring you are?" Loki said. "Tell me what you want, I'll refuse you, you'll start threatening my loved ones, I make a daring escape. It's an old pattern and one I can't really begin until you stop pontificating."

"Well, if you insist," Killian said, withdrawing the three little balls he'd used to project an outline of his brain to Pepper and rolling them on the floor. They stopped and projected an image of Pepper.

Glowing red and writhing in pain.

"Fix Extremis for me, Laufeyson, and I'll do my best to keep her safe," Killian said, getting up to stalk closer to Loki again. "See, I'm not sure if you can tell, but at this moment the body is trying to decide whether to accept Extremis or just give up. And if it gives up, well, I have to say, the detonation is quite spectacular. But until that point, it's really just a lot of pain."

 _No. Not Pepper. Not today, not Extremis, and not Pepper,_  Loki thought.

"So, are you going to play ball, Laufeyson? Or should I kill you and use your corpse as leverage over Tony?" Killian's fingers brushed Loki's jaw, making him wriggle back slightly. "And we haven't even talked about this yet."

His hand tapped the centre of the arc reactor.

Loki took his chance, snapping the tie keeping his right leg in place and bringing his knee hard between Killian's legs.

Killian doubled over in pain, before grabbing Loki by the throat and tearing him off the bedframe - the ties ripping skin from Loki's wrists and ankle - and dropping him to the ground, kicking him in the head.

It felt like an elephant had sat on his skull.

 _I don't need more head injuries,_  Loki thought, but his head was pretty foggy. Killian clearly had Extremis and was using it to full capacity.

Another kick to the stomach, and Loki wasn't feeling like he was getting up any time soon.

"You've obviously decided to have your corpse used as leverage," Killian panted roughly, his voice still odd from the groin-shot.

"Leave him alone!" Maya said.

A little late. How helpful.

Fortunately, everyone was saved by shouts in the distance and the sound of repulsor blasts.

"Tony," Killian snarled, pacing quickly out of the room. "Don't die too quickly, Laufeyson. I wouldn't want it to be painless."

Loki didn't expect it to be. But with the rough life he'd given his body - the car accident, the heart attack - he wasn't exactly springing majestically to his feet. In fact, his head was so dark and blurry that it was a miracle he was conscious.

"Loki!" Maya said, diving to his side. "Loki, take two deep breaths and pronounce your name properly."

Loki ignored her, bringing a hand up to his head and feeling gently where Killian had kicked him. Skulls weren't supposed to bend like that, so he had a cracked or broken skull, fantastic.

"What do I-" Maya said.

Loki knew there was something. It was stuck to the tip of his tongue like molasses, but his entire face was like lead.

"Deep breaths, Loki," Maya insisted.

_What is it?_

"Exmas," Loki spluttered dumbly.

"Christmas?" Maya asked. "It's Christmas Day today, you're right."

"Extremis," Loki mumbled more forcefully.

"Loki, there's no way in hell you'll survive an Extremis dose," Maya said.

"Have to," Loki said shortly. "Internal injuries anyway."

"Call the Avengers. Call an ambulance," Maya said. "Tony will be here soon."

"I'm _dying,"_  Loki answered.

"We don't have the facilities," Maya said, still trying to hold on.

Loki slipped out of consciousness for a second, before saying "Just do it."

"It's your call, Loki. There's nutrient fluid in here and a full dose of Extremis," Maya said, busying herself.

 _"Do it,"_  Loki said weakly.

Loki knew he needed to leave somehow. He needed to get away from here, in the chance that he exploded.

"Phone," Loki mumbled.

Maya dropped it next to Loki's face.

As Loki vaguely registered an IV needle going into his arm, he tried to run an energy calculation, before giving up. The numbers didn't work when his brain was shutting down.

The dosing gun shot him in the back of the neck.

Pulling the energy of a man with nothing to lose, Loki choked out "SADIE, desert facility, teleport, now."

And then he and the IV vanished from right underneath Maya's hands.

"Oh, god," Maya groaned. "Loki, you better pray you make it through that."

-O.O-

Tony was fighting Killian hand to hand. And getting his ass kicked.

But Killian had come from a semi-subterranean room that looked promising. He nearly had Loki.

Activating most of his medium-power weaponry, Tony blasted Killian to hell, then zoomed inside the room.

Maya was kneeling next to a spot with a few dribbles of blood on the ground, a dosing gun in one hand and the other rubbing her eyes.

"Maya," Tony said, taking a deep breath and forcing calm. "Where's Loki?"

"Killian-" Maya started, before her breath hitched and she started again. "Killian hurt him. He was on his way out, Tony, and he asked me to-"

She waved the dosing gun by way of explanation, and Tony felt his heart sink to a new low.

"Oh, shit," Tony said. _"Loki."_

_Nothing can ever be easy, can it?_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you go, iloome, some not at all subtle references to the Extremis comic.
> 
> Hopefully this marks the end of Loki's career as Guy Who Keeps Getting Injured.


	8. Disgusting Sucking Noises Are The Best Noises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone's on the go. Except Loki, who's getting some quality floor time. Go Loki.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I recently came to the revelation I'm a dumbass. I knew that, of course, but not in relation to this particular story (except that one time). The first piece of dialogue in this chapter accurately captures my revelation.  
> Which means I win the dumbass star for the 8th year running. Got to have something to put on my resume, right?  
> I'm sure you've been ignoring chapter counts because ignoring things is pretty much the key feature of existing (I'm tired and 80% certain that sentence doesn't make sense) but this is hopefully the final chapter count. It. Is. 14 chapters.
> 
> This chapter is like -20 for interestingness. Next chapter is vaguely humdingery I believe.

Tony's first mission was to call SHIELD and tell them he and Loki had cracked the Mandarin mystery, and that they should come to clean up the mansion and gather evidence.

Then, after Tony had stopped interrogating Maya about anything and everything relating to Loki's wellbeing - and he trusted Loki's judgement, here, because Loki had developed a full understanding of Extremis in one afternoon and knew a lot more than he did - he came to a sudden realisation.

"They have the Lightningrod, don't they?" Tony groaned.

Maya nodded shortly.

"'Kay, Maya, I'm pissed off that you kind of _betrayed_ us, but you can definitely pay it back by going on the straight and narrow now. Tell me what they want with it."

"I'm not completely sure, Tony; Killian didn't want to get me too involved in his schemes. But he wanted the Iron Patriot for something and I guess the Lightningrod suit would be jjust as good," Maya said. She had been upset when Tony had first been more than a little angry at her for the whole betrayal thing. Now she was just humouring him.

Tony had another realisation, and he started chuckling before saying "The only power source for the Lightningrod is jammed in Loki's chest, and the only person who can use the suit is Loki. I'm not too worried."

"Did he use a biological security field?" Maya asked curiously. "How'd he do it?"

"No, it's just nearly impossible if you aren't Loki Laufeyson or. I've worn it a couple of times when Loki was teaching me about it a few months ago. I nearly set a beaker of methanol on fire the first time. And you can't do it if you aren't physics PhD material, trust me," Tony snorted. "Even if they jury-rig it to a power supply big enough, whoever's wearing it will probably be cooked."

"What about Iron Patriot, then?" Maya asked.

"Hold up," Tony said, getting out his phone. "JARVIS, call Rhodey."

"Yes, sir," JARVIS replied.

"Tony, I'm still busy and I told you not to call me," Rhodey said.

"Doesn't matter. Look, you're chasing after...what's the saying? Spilt geese or something. We've traced the signal better than you could and we've already taken down the Mandarin's base in Miami. Team Stark-Laufeyson gets shit _done_. So stop messing around and get here," Tony said.

"Tony, I-" Rhodey said. "Can you prove it?"

"SHIELD's on their way. Don't go anywhere or do anything until they give you the all-clear. C'mon, man. It's a trap; Killian - he's the guy running the Mandarin - needs the Iron Patriot suit for some reason."

"You've got half an hour, Tony, before I keep going. Hold on, I've got another call," Rhodey said. He put Tony on hold for a while, but came back and said. "That's my supervisor telling me to come home. I guess Loki's got you onto it, after all."

"That's Loki. He keeps me on the gay and narrow," Tony snorted. "I just do the legwork. Drop into Loki's Miami house when you get here, it's where me and a companion of mine are hiding out."

-O.O-

SHIELD turned up with disturbing speed and started clearing things up in a 'Move along now, nothing to see here' kind of way. People were arrested, evidence was bagged, and the area where the Mandarin's transmissions had been filmed and transmitted was being closely examined.

Tony had noted the conspicuous absence of both Trevor and that gum-chewing asshole with Extremis. Savin, Maya said. A test subject who'd been deformed physically but was just (as previously stated) a gum-chewing asshole now. So the pair had both escaped, one way or another. Doubtlessly Trevor couldn't have gotten far.

But once they'd given a rough overview of everything - including Extremis and who Killian was - they had to go. If the last - shit, it was over two days since Tony had even slept - day had taught them anything, it was that he could move a lot quicker than the government. Also, SADIE could access Loki's phone and maybe see how he was. Apparently Maya had become his new Loki for the minute, sort of.

As they made it in the doorway of Loki's house, Tony shed the Iron Man and went to head upstairs. "SADIE, wake me up when Rhodey gets here. We need to find Killian, but I can't do it on no sleep again. Maya, make yourself at home, but not too much."

He fell into Loki's bed. Loki didn't stay there much, but it was enough for the smell of his deodorant and coconut shampoo to be ever so slightly embedded in the pillow, and it was enough to help Tony get to sleep.

-O.O-

Killian was...well, Killian was not a happy camper. He'd realised that fighting Tony in the mansion wasn't to his advantage - too enclosed - and he had better things to do than get shot. Finish what he was doing, make himself look innocent, and scoop up the rewards while giving Anthony Edward Stark a kicking he wouldn't forget.

He needed little; a camera, the Lightningrod suit (conveniently in his arms right then), Savin, and Trevor. Savin always seemed to find his way to Killian like a pigeon, and Trevor was permanently in too much of a state to go anywhere. It wouldn't be hard. Also, he needed a safe new place of operations. Anywhere would do, just not the impounded oil tanker where Pepper was. He didn't need to lead anyone on his trail there. A hotel room would do, as long as no one put out a watch for him. In fact, if he used Savin to make the registration, no one would look twice. He had plans to make.

-O.O-

Savin did find him. It was creepy how he could do that.

Killian got a hotel room, laid out the Lightningrod suit, and took a good look at it. All of the fine metal wiring (gold or an alloy of it, no doubt) ended up converging in a ring around a circular cavity in the breastplate. That glowing green thing in Laufeyson's chest had been the power source. He could rig it to the wall socket easily. The issue was that he didn't know how much power he needed; he'd seen the Avengers fighting on the news, and it looked like a lot.

That said, he didn't care about whether or not he took out power in Miami. By now, Tony would've gotten authorities into the mansion, and while there wasn't a whole lot of evidence incriminating him specifically, there was enough for any dummy to figure out that the Mandarin was no international warlord.

Killian simply tore some wiring from the two lamps in the room and used them to do a few interesting things to the Lightningrod and a wall socket.

However, the Lightningrod was designed to be as skintight as leather could be and molded to the every curve and plane of one Loki Laufeyson, which made both Savin and Killian not even able to fit into it without damaging something - which, with such fine golden wires, would probably be very dangerous. Loki was clearly a skinnier bastard than they'd thought. But, while extremely angering, that would not get in Killian's way; he still had Rhodes.

But the expected crunch time for Rhodes had passed a short time ago with no word.

Eventually he called his hijab-cloaked operatives. They said that Rhodes hadn't turned up to the fake address, but he'd been right on schedule.

Killian broke a few things. As the odds of him going to jail weren't positive, he didn't really care about a trashed hotel room. He also set a curtain on fire, then hastily put it out.

"Well, as my uncle always said," Killian said, his composure excellent despite his anger. "'If you want something done, do it yourself'. Savin, go find our good friend Mr Slattery for me. I have a little more terrorism to plan."

-O.O-

The recording, this time, was filmed with a completely black backdrop, only showed the Mandarin's face, and was posted on YouTube instead of on national television. Killian had done what he could. It was still menacing, and the message was very, very clear.

Dire warnings against future of America always did seem to be.

Using the Lightningrod suit was too dangerous and the Iron Patriot was inaccessible, but Killian had a new plan.

-O.O-

_A few hours earlier in the Chihuahuan Desert, in a semi-abandoned warehouse._

Loki landed splayed on the concrete floor. He didn't really register it; head injuries were really not conducive to full cognitive function.

Extremis had felt like electricity flowing through his body. Unfortunately, it had centred on Loki's biggest problem first - his failing heart and massive chest cavity. As the nanotechnology began to heal, it heated, causing his chest to glow red-hot and the front of the arc to crack.

The Starkium core was questionable at the best times.

Loki managed a feverish giggle at that. His Tony had wanted to name his element 'Badassium' and it had been turned down. Everything had, except the most demure and boring names, and Starkium had stuck.

Not wanting the element to heat and potentially become unstable, Loki grabbed the arc and gently eased it out of his casing. The Extremis was knitting his head injury, too, and he was actually thinking a little clearer. Then, with a disgusting sucking noise, he removed the flexing, softened arc casing too.

_Won't be needing that again. I'll be dead or perfect._

Then:  _those are great options._


	9. Fire: A Recurring Theme

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony's little moment of tranquility gets all 'jammed up' again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to correct me if anything in this is wrong; as far as I know, President Ellis doesn't have a backstory. I've also had to approximate or just make up a bit of missing information.

"I need a weapon," Killian said frustratedly into his phone. "I'm running an operation; there must be something around that can down a plane."

"Watch it, boss," Savin said. "Phone-tapping."

Killian rolled his eyes and kept listening to his agent that was telling him that an prototype for a shoulder-launched guided missile was all they had, and it was suspect.

Killian had contracts with the government for Extremis. He'd used that - and his links with the VP - to obtain a few experimental weapons, in hope of tidying them up and selling them. The world would change, once Killian got what he wanted, but it would always need weapons; it seemed like a good way to cement his grip on his future control, being well-armed.

"You're saying it could blow up in my face," Killian sighed. "As my uncle taught me, when firing something's dangerous, get someone else to do it. Savin, you're up; point and shoot."

"At what, boss?" Savin said, putting another piece of gum in his mouth.

Killian hated that gum-chewing asshole.

"Air Force One, you ass," Killian said through gritted teeth, his voice deceptively calm. "You know, the plane I've been talking about for the last half hour? Or did that...slip your mind?"

"A little, yeah," Savin said, the picture of insubordination.

Killian took a breath in and out. Staying calm was imperative. "Savin. I need you to pick up the missile from the rig. Then I need you to point the missile and pull the trigger. My guy back at the rig will do everything else."

Savin nodded. "Where's the plane gonna be?"

"According to the flight plan my mole gave me, landing in Miami in -" Killian checked his watch. "Two hours. Get moving. I want it to hit the ground hard."

-O.O-

Air Force One was well-defended. America did not want its President dead, and they spent the money necessary.

Flight plans were secret. Code names were used. The plane was beyond state-of-the-art.

And yet, for some odd reason, it was not designed to take an explosive to its wing joint.

The standards these days.

-O.O-

"My genesis, Colonel Rhodes has arrived," SADIE said, waking Tony up.

"Nnnn," Tony groaned into his pillow. "Loki, put your pants on."

"My genesis, Loki is not present," SADIE said.

More awake, Tony said "That can only mean today's gonna be shit."

"I agree, sir," SADIE said.

"Hey, look, you're getting a personality," Tony said, climbing out of bed unwillingly. An hour's sleep was not enough.

After very quickly cleaning himself up - though nothing could be done for how scruffy his beard looked, because Loki didn't shave, so Tony was just going to have to look unkempt - Tony headed downstairs. Rhodey was standing on the balcony, looking annoyed.

"SADIE, let him in!" Tony said.

The door unlocked itself.

Rhodey walked in, saying "That thing said I wasn't allowed in because I'd scratch the floors."

"She's right, you know. This house is becoming a tip," Tony said. "The window's broken in the nearest downstairs bathroom."

"Who's she?" Rhodey asked, pointing at Maya, who was just wandering in wearing only a t-shirt and her underwear, then awkwardly tried to stretch the shirt down. Evidently sleeping in jeans hadn't appealed to her. And rightly so.

"Miss Hansen. Loki's pet elf," Tony answered. "Look, Rhodey, Pepper's in trouble. Loki's also in trouble. I'm in trouble. You're in trouble. Maya's in trouble. Everyone's in trouble. You and me need to suit up and do something; I just don't know what, so we're sitting around and waiting for an emergency."

"...Okay," Rhodey said, getting out of the suit. "I've been given orders to stand down and wait for more orders, so I can do that here."

"Time for breakfast, then, I think. Can either of you cook?" Tony asked. "I don't even know if there's any food here."

"There is. Loki made me something yesterday," Maya said.

Tony headed towards the kitchen, determined to eat _something_. It had been a long time since lunch with Harley.

-O.O-

President Ellis was having a fairly peaceful flight, heading home to Miami to visit his brothers and their associated family. His wife and kids were already there, but he'd had official business, so he was coming late. Arriving very, very early on Christmas morning was about as late as he could be. At least he'd get to see everyone open their presents.

He was just talking cheerfully to one of his guards, a cheery man with a liking for Iron Patriot, when the plane was impacted by something and went vertical.

Everyone standing up fell over. Ellis jolted forward where he was buckled into his seat for landing. The pilot swore violently as he righted the plane.

"We've been hit!" The co-pilot shouted.

"No shit, Sherlock!" The pilot shouted back. "The wing's half-off!"

None of this was reassuring to anyone else on board.

"We can land it in the ocean!" The pilot said.

The co-pilot grabbed the intercom and said "Everyone in the cabin, take a seat, put your seatbelts and lifejackets on, and hope that Iron Patriot picks up his phone in time!"

Then, after the intercom was turned off, "We'd better hope we don't have to land it in the ocean. That never works."

-O.O-

Rhodey had just raised his first forkload of Tony's decidedly suspect omelette to his mouth when his phone rang. He slammed the food down again and answered it.

Half a minute later, he was telling Tony to get ready while he suited up.

They were in the air a minute and a half after the co-pilot called for help.

-O.O-

Air Force One limped forward in the sky towards the ocean like a wounded beast. It had been heading downwards, preparing to land, so it didn't have far to fall.

Tony and Rhodey soared up towards it, trying to stop it crashing down onto houses and crushing President Ellis.

"Alpha Foxtrot One, this is Colonel Rhodes as Iron Patriot in approach with Iron Man. With our current facilities, we cannot prevent the plane from crashing. However, we can greatly decelerate it and set it down with relative gentleness in the river. Confirm," Rhodey said.

"We don't need a fucking confirmation," Tony said irritably, swooping upwards to put the belly of the plane on his back, much like the missile in Manhattan. Except he wouldn't be flying this into an Eldritch wormhole unless something went terribly wrong.

"It's for the paperwork later," Rhodey answered, joining Tony.

Simultaneously, they blasted their repulsors, feeling the plane shove them downwards as they fought it.

With a lurch, the plane stopped falling as quickly. Tony and Rhodey found a nice speed to keep equilibrium at. At this rate, they'd land the plane in the river smoothly enough for everyone onboard to survive.

"This plan of Killain's sucks," Tony grunted, sweat beginning to bead on his face.

"What happened to Loki and Pepper?" Rhodey asked.

"Loki...is injured. He'll be okay. I goddamn hope. Killian has Pepper and I don't know where," Tony said shortly. "Both have Extremis. I'm hoping neither of them explode."

Tony had filled Rhodey in on Killian and Extremis while he'd been doing what could possibly be considered cooking (though not by Loki's standards, which was why Loki always cooked) but he hadn't quite gotten up to why everyone was in trouble.

"Hate it when people explode," Rhodey panted wryly. "Been causing a lot of problems recently."

"Yeah," Tony said. He'd yet to hear anything about another explosion, which was good, because apparently Pepper had been at the point when she'd either explode or she wouldn't. Evidently Pepper was safe in that respect. Loki? Tony just didn't know, and he was very, very worried.

The water was rushing up towards them, the wide river glittering in the moonlight. They were going slow enough to not die.

"JARVIS, increase thrust for War Machine and I," Tony said. "I want to land this thing without a ripple."

"I don't believe that is possible, sir," JARVIS replied, but he increased the thrust anyway.

"Right, Tony, get out on the count of three," Rhodey said as they got dangerously close to the water. They didn't want to be crushed.

"One," Rhodey said as they both slammed on even more thrust for the final moment.

"Two," Tony continued, letting go of the plane.

"Three!" They both said, moving at just under MACH 1 to get out from under the plane as it landed in the river with a splash.  
It was still in one piece, a great victory.

"Fuck yeah!" Tony shouted, zooming forward, making the peace sign. "Suck it, Killian!"

He was right about to turn around and help people off the plane when an 18-wheeler passed over the bridge he was flying over and smashed into him.

It felt like...well, like he'd been hit by a truck. He hit the footpath on the other side of the bridge hard, and he didn't feel like he'd bee getting up again anytime soon.

"Tony!" Rhodey said into the radio.

"'M fine," Tony rasped, moving to see how fucked up he was. "Still in one peace. Just got me in the ches- _oh god that's a cracked rib._ JARVIS, body scan."

A moment, then JARVIS told him "You have eight cracked ribs, severe bruising of your left hip, mild concussion, and possible whiplash in your neck, sir. I would recommend medical treatment."

"How urgent? Am I gonna drop dead?" Tony said, trying to get to his feet. Oh, he was feeling that hip.

"No, sir. You will survive untreated, though you will likely experience a great deal of pain," JARVIS said.

"That works," Tony groaned. The truck driver had climbed out of his cab and was looking extremely worried.

When he tried to take off, his repulsors sputtered before they eventually lifted him off. He swooped awkwardly down to the plane where Rhodey was picking people up off the remaining wing and depositing them on land.

"Mr President," Tony said, landing on the wing. "Rhodey, my suit's all-" he was about to swear, but decided that was probably bad form in front of the ol' POTUS, "-uh, jammed up. I don't want to hurt anyone by picking them up. I'm gonna head back to Loki's house, pick up my other suit."

"Gotcha," Rhodey said.

Tony soared off into the night sky, his repulsors occasionally spewing glowing sparks. It had been a rough day.

As Rhodey picked up the President and set him down on the riverbank, he noted movement in the shadows.

"Mr President, stay behind me," Rhodey said, readying a few weapons. "Come out with your hands up!"

Savin came walking out of the shadows, chewing gum and looking for all the world like a person of questionable origin hanging out in an alleyway.

"Sir, lie down on your face on the ground, hands on your back," Rhodey said.

Savin just kept walking closer. Not realising what he was, Rhodey was unwilling to shoot a civilian. "Sir, I insist you stand down!"

Savin's skin suddenly started to glow, and Rhodey knew what he was looking at. He fired a repulsor, hitting Saving in the chest, but all that happened was Savin opened his mouth.

And breathed a goddamn jet of fire.

That had the many people behind Rhodey on the run.

"I just got a slight change of plans from my boss," Savin said with a grin. He went to breathe fire again, enduring the shots Rhodey fired, and Rhodey was just about to break out the big guns when he heard a screech of tyres. His head whipped to the side to see President Ellis being yanked into a bland sedan.

Rhodey moved over there quickly and tried to grab the car, but was slowed down when Savin started to terrorise the remaining people. He had a choice, so he blasted Savin back, grabbed him by the shirt, and threw him in the river.

"Tony!" He said into the radio. "They've got the President, but I've got a handful of this firey guy right now. I need you to get back here!"

"There in a minute!" Tony replied. "Fuck, shit, ah-"

"I've put an infrared tracker on it for JARVIS," Rhodey replied. "Get moving!'


	10. Mostly Listless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony is hella tired. To the extent he's struggling to rationally hunt Killian down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *goat noises*
> 
> Again, I took a liberty or three with facts that the movie didn't explain very well. So sue me.

Putting the other Iron Man suit was causing Tony an extreme amount of pain as his injuries were already beginning to swell. But he had to goddamn do it. If he let the president die, then no doubt _someone_ would be mad.

Maya was confused, but conceded that she really wasn't much use, which was a pity. Then again, she had betrayed him and Loki, so it was probably good that her nose was out of the situation.

His chest aching, Tony took off again, telling JARVIS to point him at the virtual sticker Rhodey had slapped onto the car that had taken the president.

He honed in on it, readying weapons and preparing to fight against those Extremis bastards; he couldn't win, but he could hold them off.

The tracker signal wasn't moving. Tony landed next to the car, parked in an alley, and began to search it; however, it was empty, as he'd feared.

"Rhodey?" Tony said, his voice starting as a croak and managing to solidify into human noises. "Rhodey, I've found the car; it's empty. I'm gonna do a flyover of town, see if I can spot anything. The Grinch and his cohort can't've gotten far."

"Go for it!" Rhodey replied. "Kind of got my hands full here-"

Tony took off, staying low, just above the buildings. Fortunately, it was Christmas morning - and damn if Tony didn't wish he was curled up on a couch with Loki - so traffic was light. Problem was, despite that, there were still bland cars on the road, and he didn't know where to start. He got JARVIS to check for unusual heat readings and for anything that could possibly mean a president was in the car, but he didn't get anything.

"Rhodey, I've lost him," Tony cursed. "JARVIS, keep scanning, access public cameras and scanners."

"Yes, sir," JARVIS said.

"Could do with a hand here," Rhodey said, clearly out of breath.

Tony turned about face and zoomed back towards the river, soaring down from the sky to shoot Savin in the face. The police had arrived, and they looked tired and a little shocked as they helped the escapees from Air Force One. Once he'd sent Savin flying halfway across the river with a small rocket, he landed next to Rhodey. "I'm absolutely black and blue," Tony said. "And I lost them. You couldn't have marked the POTUS instead of the car?"

"I was a little distracted, okay?" Rhodey said.

"Damn it all," Tony said, frustrated. Who'd've thought the good ol' fashioned _put him in a car, drive away, change cars_ tactic would work in the high-tech was they were waging? "Is it even possible to kill these Extremis fuckers?"

"What I know about Extremis could be written on a cracker, Tony," Rhodey said.

"Point taken," Tony sighed, popping up his faceplate. "Why doesn't anyone just stick a tracking chip in Ellis's ass? It would save so much time."

"Probably unconstitutional," Rhodey chuckled. "Tony, you need medical care."

"I need to find Killian," Tony corrected. "The crippling injuries can wait. I'll drop in at Loki's house and raid his cabinets for painkillers, then get back onto it."

Rhodey made a noise of disapproval, but let Tony go.

"Gotta find Pepper, gotta find Killian," Tony breathed to himself as he flew.

-O.O-

"Maya, is there actually any - _augh!_ \- way of killing those Extremis fuckers?" Tony panted, tightening a chest wrap to stop his injuries from swelling too much.

"I'm not sure, Tony," Maya said, watching with mild concern. "Killing them wasn't actually my goal."

"Rightly so, I suppose," Tony said. "Couldn't you have just killed a couple? For posterity? 'Specially that Savin guy."

Maya half-smiled before holding out a couple of bottles. "This was all he had."

Tony read through the labels before picking the one that looked strongest. "Thanks," he said, hobbling over to the kitchen on his bad hip to get a glass of water to swallow them with.

"Have you heard from Loki yet?" Maya said worriedly.

It struck Tony right then that Maya and Loki actually liked each other. Maybe it was time to induct a new science bro.

"Not a peep," Tony said. "I'm monitoring heat signatures from the area of where I think he is, but there's nothing unusual, so I think - hope - he's still alive."

"You could fly over there," Maya said.

"I could, but Pepper and the goddamn president are also in danger, and as much I really, really want to hold Loki's hand, from what you've told me, there isn't anything I can do for him but wait," Tony said. It was painful, knowing he had to leave Loki to his own devices, but he really couldn't do anything except potentially put himself up for death by explosion.

 _Loki's not going to explode,_ Tony thought. _His body has been through a hell of a lot; it's not going to give up now._

_He's not going to give up now._

_And, hey, neither am I._

"Stay here, Maya," Tony said, heading for the other Iron Man, the one that hadn't been hit by a truck but was still looking sorry for itself. "If you need to contact me, get SADIE to call. Otherwise, do whatever, except betray us again, because that was really a bitch."

As he reached the doorway, he stopped. "You don't have Killian's cellphone number, do you?"

"Oh!" Maya said. That clearly hadn't occurred to her. "I have his old one."

"Call it. SADIE, trace the call and send the coordinates to me," Tony said, enthused by the new lead. "If Maya tries to tell him anything regarding our plans or movements or Loki's state of health, then end the call."

Eh. Loki's system of being suspicious had worked for him.

He took off, heading for the river again, where a small group of people had massed to look at the downed plane in the water. Tony released a flare as he zoomed over, which exploded brightly and made everyone look up at him. He pulled the peace sign, then headed back in the general direction of where that car had been abandoned.

"JARVIS, connect to SADIE," Tony said. "Damn, I feel like I'm making you two bad-touch each other."

"You needn't fear that, sir," JARVIS said.

"You say that now, Jay, but if I look away for five minutes there'll be an army of little AI babies," Tony snorted.

"I don't believe that's possible, sir, but I will look into it," JARVIS said, and Tony was fairly certain he was being mocked.

"Anything from your girlfriend's call trace?" Tony asked.

"The call was short, sir," JARVIS said. "Do you wish to hear it?"

"Go for it," Tony said.

There was a slight humming noise as the file was called up, then.

"Yes, who's this?" A male voice said roughly, sounding harrassed and impatient.

"Killian, it's Maya. I just wanted to-" Maya began, sounding serious and businesslike.

 _"Stark,"_ Killian growled and hung up.

And that was the end of the call.

"Can you trace from such a short call?" Tony asked.

"Not precisely, sir. SADIE has traced the call to within the nearest cell area," JARVIS said.

  
"Great," Tony said, only a little sarcastically. Having the nearest cell area meant that he knew roughly where Killian was, and since he'd answered the phone, it was definitely on Killian's person. "Take us there."

As he flew towards and down the coastline, Tony got SADIE to check what she could about Loki from his phone.

"He is alive," JARVIS said, getting his information from the other AI. "However, she is struggling to read his life signs among the heat interference."

That made sense. "What about cameras? Microphones?"

"Neither of them can record any significant information," JARVIS replied. "SADIE believes that Master Loki has removed himself from the immediate vicinity of his phone, perhaps in an effort to preserve its integrity."

"Makes sense," Tony said. "But he's definitely alive?"

"Yes, sir," JARVIS said.

 _Thank the holy god of fuckery,_ Tony thought.

"Somewhere around here?" Tony said as JARVIS signalled for him to fly lower.

"Yes, sir."

"It's Christmas morning and this is an industrial area. Access all cameras possible, alert me to any signs of human activity. They should be celebrating whatever religion they're all up in," Tony said. "Also, see if anywhere here is under Killian's or one of his people's name. Could find him that way."

He flew around for a few minutes. There were a lot of large, shadowy buildings and some shoreside structures. Really, they could be anywhere. There wasn't a distinct lack of cars about; people working overtime, probably.

"What kind of camera access have you got?" Tony asked.

"Fairly comprehensive, sir, though my access within the buildings is understandably limited."

"Gotcha," Tony said distractedly, flying all around the district, his senses trained to detect even a little movement. There was some action; forklifts moved, people walked, but no one looked like they'd just committed Grand Theft Politician.

After flying over the whole area for most of an hour, and after JARVIS had looked everywhere, they simply came to the conclusion that nothing was happening yet. No one notable was around, and nowhere had anything to do with Killian, at least not officially.

"Call Killian again, JARVIS," Tony said.

The phone rang a couple of times, but it was disconnected.

"Damn," Tony said. "I'm not going to do any good hovering around here. JARVIS, keep monitoring the area by camera."

He was right; while he was passing over there, the odds of Killian or whoever was with him coming outside of wherever they were was slight. He needed to relay all this to SHIELD so he could get them going through it all.

"Rhodey," Tony said, opening the comms. "I've traced Killian's cellphone to this big industrial area, but I can't see anything and I can't get more exact. We need SHIELD in here, pronto."

"I'm at the Mandarin's mansion at the moment," Rhodey said. "Get over here; SHIELD's turned up in droves."

"I've got more important things to do, so you're up. JARVIS, send Rhodey the location and area. I need to talk to Maya," Tony said.

"...Okay," Rhodey said cautiously. "I'll call you with what's happening."

"It's a date," Tony said as he took off towards Loki's house. "Don't tell Lokes."

-O.O-

Tony firstly interrogated Maya about every single capability of Extremis, to find out what he was fighting and what he could expect from Loki.

Then he patched up the Iron Man suit.

Then he caught his seriously bruised hip on a bench, causing him enough pain that he curled up on the lab floor.

Then he fell asleep for forty minutes on the floor from exhaustion.

Maya gently shook Tony awake when she found him. "Tony?" she said.

"Mmph?" Tony said, his face stuck to the polished wooden floor.

"Tony, you can't sleep now."

"I can try," Tony groaned.

Maya prodded him lightly in the ribs. "Pepper and Loki need you. I can't help much, so you're going to have to get up."

Tony yelped in pain. "Oh, god, yes. Look, I'm not suggesting you're my coffee girl, because that'd be pretty not good, but can you get me coffee?"

Maya nodded and headed out of the workshop.

Pulling himself up, Tony got into the Iron Man suit and activated it, climbing into it and hoping he could maybe get JARVIS to fly him there. He followed Maya out to the kitchen, gratefully accepting his coffee after a minute or two, and then chugged it down, wincing at the heat.

With his thanks, Tony left.

-O.O-

SHIELD had no patience for Tony. Rhodey had told them everything, and they were currently getting a team together - no time to call the Avengers, apparently, despite how useful they'd be - and wanted Tony to stand down.

Unfortunately, neither Winchester nor Hill nor Fury were there, and they were the ones Tony had pull with.

Instead, Tony argued with someone who clearly didn't respect exactly how determined Tony was to get Pepper back and kick Killian's ass.

Eventually, Tony decided to leave them to their mission and work by himself.

He panned over the area again, staying high up and maximising zoom so they wouldn't see him, but activity was still minimal.

Unfortunately, as Tony worried more about solving this, his thoughts were degenerating from _my next plan of action is_ to _fuckity fuck fuck fuck._

"JARVIS, can you do thermal imaging for the area? Might pick up Extremis that way," Tony said, cutting a little lower and closer to the warehouses below.

"Yes, sir," JARVIS said, and Tony's view turned into a blur of colours, buildings simultaneously appearing blue and see-through. He started another flyover; he'd already done one since arriving and they took nearly half an hour each. Time was ticking.

Tony couldn't start smashing in buildings and hunting people down. Apparently there were laws against it. Big ones.

 _Where are you hiding?_ Tony thought.

"JARVIS, make a virtual map of the area and highlight in red all areas with no activity or normal activity," Tony said. "I'm wasting time here. I need a sleep. Cross-reference the map with thermal imaging; tell me what's weird."

The problem was, none of the buildings legitimately had Killian in them, as far as he could tell.

"I'm thinking about this the wrong way," Tony muttered to himself. For all he knew, Killian could be long gone.

And then it hit his tired, pain-addled brain like a slap in the face. He'd been cruising the warehouses, but they would all have security. One of the few places Killian could actually get away with was the oil rig in the water, which JARVIS told him was currently impounded, AKA no one was there or really even keeping an eye on it.

 _I win the grand prize for being an idiot,_ Tony thought frustratedly, turning around for the hundredth time and heading back towards the docks. As he soared down to land on a gangplank directly in front of the small building that was a part of the rig, he caught the slightest flash of movement.

_Yes!_

_It only took me about four fucking hours. It should've taken me four minutes._

JARVIS was reading above average human body temperatures inside, but a minimum of movement. Whatever was going on, they were trying to lie low.

_Killian's plan's all fucked up. Otherwise he'd be confident enough to face me. He's already lost all his advantages; all he has is this place, Extremis and the president. But he'll sure as hell fight to the death._

A gun cocked behind Tony.

_And lackeys! Everyone needs lackeys!_

Tony whirled and fired his repulsor on low power, throwing the person behind him backwards and into a rail.

Then the door he'd been approaching opened suddenly. Before Tony could turn around, a hand slammed viciously hard into the back of his neck.

"I've got you now, Tony," a rough voice said behind him.

Tony fired a repulsor boot backwards at Killian, knocking him over and releasing Tony from the grip.

"Sir, neck mobility is greatly decreased," JARVIS told him.

Apparently Killian had crumpled and melted his neck plating and he couldn't turn his head properly.

"Rhodey, I need backup," Tony said. Killian got to his feet and came at Tony, grinning. "Rhodey! Backup!"

Rhodey didn't answer.

Killian ran at Tony, making to full-on tackle him, and Tony lunged out of the way.

"Come here, little Stark," Killian hissed viciously.

"You really suck at foreplay, you know that?" Tony said, blasting his repulsor to take off. Savin had nearly beaten him. Killian was undoubtedly much worse.

As he left the platform, Killian grabbed his boot, melting and tearing the metal as Tony blasted him in the face. Yelling in pain, Killian let him go, but the boot was crumpling.

Those Extremis bastards really could do a lot of damage.

Tony wanted to go back and fight again, but more people were emerging from where they'd evidently been hiding out while they waited for their plans to come to fruition. He was about to turn tail and find Rhodey and maybe a dozen shield agents when JARVIS got a lock on a small, thick-glassed window.

"Facial recognition matches Miss Potts, sir," JARVIS said.

Pepper didn't look especially conscious, but it was hard to tell through the glass, which blurred everything.

"Pepper!" Tony said, broadcasting out loud. She didn't stir. He fired a small rocket at the wall, then dodged a volley of bullets as Killian gave his lackeys the order to fire. Where were they all coming from?

Killian dashed inside as Tony tried to smash his way through the hole he'd made.

_Gotta get in before he does..._

Tony made it in to the area where Pepper was and began tearing at her bindings after firing a shot to melt the doorknob. If he could just get Pepper out, things would be okay. Killian kicked a hole through the door, and Tony was ready for him, firing at him then charging forward to wrestle him into submission.

Killian was stronger than Tony had thought, flipping Tony over his back. Tony managed to land at a crouch, shooting Killian in the back of the knee, which toppled him over. On top of Tony.

Seizing his obvious opportunity, Killian rolled over and got his hands around Tony's throat, crushing the metal even more.

Admittedly, diving blindly to Pepper's rescue had been a mistake, but not doing it would probably have been a mistake too.

"I - thought - you - needed - me - to - fix - Extremis -" Tony choked out. Killian paused for a moment, allowing Tony to do a rather neat knee-and-head movement that caught Killian in the crotch and forehead.

They grappled on the floor for a minute or two, Killian becoming red hot as Tony fought increasingly hard to just escape. He was loosing the heavy weapons now, and that was the only thing keeping him alive. Eventually he managed to rocket forwards out of Killian's grasp.

"Sir?" JARVIS said, surprising Tony. "SADIE wishes to inform you that Master Loki has activated his teleportation capabilities."

Rhodey suddenly spoke up in the comms. "Tony, Loki's here. Where are you? He wants to join you."

"Tell him the area. Then he'll be able to see me-" Tony said shortly, more than a little busy as he fired a blast at Killian's head. Killian dropped, but Tony could see his flesh reforming. "Rhodey, get yourself and Loki over here! JARVIS, charge unibeam!"

"I'm on my way!" Rhodey said, and Tony registered him snapping orders, but Pepper was waking up and he was about to blast Killian's brains out, so he was a little distracted.

-O.O-

Loki had felt like he was being dragged repeatedly over hot coals interspersed with razor blades. Bloody and scorched. That sensation had continued for longer than he would like to think about, and the writhing and crying out had been involuntary. At one point, the sensation of being squeezed through a wringer had been added to that.

It had faded, finally, just shy of half a day after it had started. That had been more than enough. He was still burning under his skin and every part of him felt fucked up, but he'd been able to move of his own volition.

And Tony needed him, no doubt.

Working under the assumption that the squeezing feeling was his body considering exploding, he figured that despite the intimidating glow he had, he was now okay. Ish.

Which was why he crawled back over to his phone and summoned the Lightningrod suit. The number of undone buckles suggested someone had been messing with it, but it was still in working order.

The Mandarin's mansion had been the last place of action, so Loki appeared there, only to be mobbed by SHIELD agents. Rhodey noticed him first, though, and told him Tony needed his help. That was all the word he needed.


	11. A Waste Of Air

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki, Loki no.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's late; it's the last few days of school and woAH the teachers have suddenly remembered allllll these things I was supposed to do far earlier in the year!  
> Hahaheaurgh

Not bothering to wait for Rhodey, Loki vanished to the industrial area and looked around. The impounded oil rig was beginning to come alive with people who were presumably not on the good side. Again, he vanished, this time landing next to the little building on the rig.

Two people raised weapons. Loki was not in the mood. With a crack of lightning, they were both unconscious.

He could feel electricity searing under his skin, mating neatly with Extremis to give him the sensation of scalding hot electric eels sliding under his skin. Oddly enough, he accepted it and kept moving.

Loki unashamedly tore the door into the building off its hinges, his newly healed right hand tearing through the metal. Again, a crack of lightning later, and the person in the room was down for the count. He could hear fighting in the next room.

It wasn't an understatement to say that Loki was flamingly angry.

The doorknob was melted, but Loki could fight fire with fire, regardless of the so-called _wisdom_ that particular expression imparted. A powerful kick, and the door buckled inwards.

Killian was leaning over Tony, his hand scorchingly hot as he prepared to melt Tony's faceplate in and presumably kill him.

"Please get off him," Loki said smoothly.

Killian's head jerked back and he literally _snarled_ at Loki. "I thought I smashed your skull like an egg."

"Yes, well, fortunately I'm a lot harder to kill than the rest of the Laufeyson clan," Loki said, his tone still uncomfortably easy.

Tony was thankful for the break, and even more thankful to hear Loki's voice, but he could hear the underlying anger, and if Loki was making jokes about his dead family, then _nothing_ was okay.

He sat up and scrambled away, trusting the battle to Loki as he tugged Pepper's restraints open. She was stirring, her head lolling from side to side as she lurched awkwardly into consciousness.

There was a sudden wrenching noise, then Killian was unexpectedly dropping out of the hole Tony had torn in the building.

"Tony," Loki said as he helped with Pepper's restraints, his lack of gauntlets making it easier for him to ease the buckles loose. "I'm sorry for my slight lack of presence."

"Nah, it's fine. I was handling it," Tony replied with a rough chuckle.

As Pepper woke up fully, her eyes flicked to both of them. Tony flicked up his faceplate and smiled at her.

"I think I'll deal with Killian," Loki answered. "You look a little beaten up."

"'Kay," Tony said, not bothering to argue, because the Iron Man was wrecked. "Just... you look pissed off. Deep breaths before you do anything radical."

Loki stooped slightly to press a tingly kiss to Tony's mouth, before murmuring "I really can't guarantee anything," and jumping out of the building after Killian.

"Pep?" Tony said. "How do you feel?"

"Alive," Pepper said. "That's an improvement on a few hours ago."

Tony broke into a grin. Like everything in his body, it hurt.

-O.O-

Killian slammed, hard, onto a flat metal landing. The pain didn't bother him much. After snapping a few orders at his lackeys, he heated himself up in preparation to fight Loki.

Then the man himself landed in front of him, his face blank and his eyes glowing scarlet.

"Killian, dear," Loki said. "Either pick yourself up or surrender."

A bullet pinged off Loki's helmet. In response, Loki charged electricity around his hand and slammed it into a girder, the power arcing through the metal and throwing several henchmen off their feet.

As Killian got to his feet, Loki lashed out in a high kick, breaking his nose and pushing him over again. The injury healed instantly, but it certainly drew the power balance to attention; Loki had the Lightningrod, and he had Extremis too.

Instead of making himself vulnerable while getting to his feet, Killian lunged forward from the ground and tackled Loki around the waist, who went down hard onto his back. Pinning him easily with barely-superior strength, Killian heated his hands and squeezed Loki's throat tightly.

Loki actually chuckled, and Killian knew something was wrong just before Loki vanished, appeared behind him, and picked him up bodily to throw him over the railing.

He fell a long way to the concrete ground. Several somethings broke, and he forced himself to his feet with healing and twisted bones.

Loki appeared in front of him, his face still unsettlingly calm, barring the pure belligerence radiating from his gaze.

"Is anyone ever _not_ going to fall for that?" Loki said dryly.

It was pretty clear to both of them that Killian didn't have a chance in hell. Loki was immune to burns and could teleport away from physical attacks; Tony had been at a clear disadvantage, in a metal suit, but Loki was a lot more suited for this fight.

In the corner of his eye, Loki registered someone getting to their feet. Another burst of electricity, and they wouldn't try it again for a few hours.

He could hear Tony in flight, presumably helping Pepper, and a gruntier sound that was probably Rhodey. He hoped they were taking down Killian's lackeys.

Loki again paid attention to Killian, who was half ready to fight and half looking for a way out. His shirt had burned off, and Loki could see some rather ostentatious dragon tattoos across his chest.

"You can't win this," Loki said levelly, because if he started to shout, he didn't think he'd ever stop.

Killian picked up an iron bar, forced a confident grin, and came at Loki, who humoured him for a moment with a few shallow strikes before snatching him by the throat, shocking him to keep him still and pinning him to a shipping container, just off the ground.

He tried heating up his throat. Loki's hand glowed in answer, the heat not affecting him.

"Give me one reason-" Loki hissed, slamming Killian's head into the container. "-One _fucking_ reason I shouldn't just break your neck now, you waste of air. And don't insult me by appealing to my _humanity,_ because I'm fairly certain your magic fire juice-" Those last three words were said with a mocking tone "-took the last of that away from me."

Killian tried heating up to melt the container behind him, but Loki shocked him again.

"A reason," Loki growled. "Out with it."

Tony had been listening to all of that, and as much as he wanted Killian dead, he didn't want Loki to do it.

Back when it had all started, Loki approached battle very differently. It was equal parts game, test and contest, and he'd used strategy and humour to limit the amount of power needed. Tony could recall him after that stadium collapse, a year and a half ago; using the suit sparingly, cautiously, unsure of its power. He finished each fight with a rough sense of satisfaction and thoughts on how to improve on next time.

Now? Now he waded into battle as obligation, getting no joy or satisfaction from winning, and sinking into borderline panic afterwards. He didn't need strategy, really; he had a source of insanely powerful lightning. The second alien invasion had screwed with Loki's head hugely.

Tony was beginning to think that Lightningrod was becoming a very different person from the Loki he knew, and that scared him a little. What he didn't want was more blood on Lightningrod's hands; it would fuck with Loki's head in the long term.

"Loki," Tony called. "Don't do it; he's a waste of the energy you'd use."

"He hurt you," Loki said, just loud enough for Tony to hear. "He would've killed you with no remorse, and he did hurt Happy and Pepper. He deserves to die."

Killian tried to force Loki away. Loki shocked him again. Extremis may have healed, but it didn't filter out pain, and Killian was almost content to stay still just to avoid Loki's shocks.

"I've found the president!" Rhodey said, and Loki registered him flying away with him.

"And we can't arrest him," Loki added. "He'll melt his way out. The Extremis people are dangerous, myself included."

Tony hated how Loki could justify murder so easily.

"It's more blood on your hands, Loki," Tony could only say as he soared down to land next to Loki, because he really did think Loki was right. "SHIELD will deal with it."

"They won't," Loki said. "They'll lock him up somewhere and experiment on him and turn him into a weapon. Eventually he'll become our problem again."

"Don't I-" Killian choked, but Loki just squeezed harder on his throat.

"No, whatever it is," Loki snorted. "You denied yourself any rights when you kicked a hole in my skull."

Tony landed next to Loki, the Iron Man suit sparking and making suspicious noises. It really was wrecked. "Just knock him out and hand him over to SHIELD, Lokes."

Loki took a deep breath, his scarlet eyes burning metaphorical holes in Killian. The villain was a man beaten.

Shocking him again for good measure, Loki let him go. Killian slumped to the ground.

Loki was still angry, the emotion reacting badly with Extremis and making his skin glow ever so slightly. Not wanting to take it out on Tony, he started to walk away from both of them so he could calm down.

Then Loki heard a rustle behind him, and Tony saying something regarding hot shit, and Loki whirled around, yanked Killian to his feet just as he was heating up to attack Tony and snapped his neck with his new strength.

This time, when Killian slumped to the ground, he wouldn't be moving again. Severe spinal injuries were enough to stop Extremis from healing.

"Loki?" Tony said worriedly.

Loki was walking away with some speed. As Tony went to catch up with him, he vanished.

Tony sighed.

Now the heat was off, Pepper came out from where she'd been hiding in a shipping container.

She looked at Killian's corpse with no apology on her face.

"Am I going to be okay?" She asked.

"I'll make you okay," Tony said with a wry smile. "And you're my friend; okay isn't our defining feature."

"Go find Loki," she said. "I'll talk to SHIELD."

Tony really respected how despite the fact they'd barely seen each other in the last year, they still seemed to be in synch. He took off, heading back to Loki's house, assuming that was where he was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments?


	12. Bath Time, Not Fun Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bit of angsting, then the lead-up to a cliche Christmas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What it says on the box, I guess. Two chapters left!
> 
> I have a feeling that this could potentially offend someone, so yes, Loki and Tony do celebrate Christmas despite being atheists. It's not uncommon. I'm not trying to piss anyone off; both have semi-religious upbringings and it does become ingrained, especially with the media.

Tony found Loki sitting in his lab in his Miami house, looking contemplatively at his helmet. It was his older one, because Loki had had to use his older Lightningrod suit, the one that was powered by micro-nuclear batteries and not the arc reactor.

In any case, Loki was just looking at it like the equation for the curve of those horns could change the universe.

"Sparkles?" Tony said.

Loki had evidently known he was there, because he just said "I killed him."

"Yep," Tony said. "Good and dead."

"That wasn't very nice of me," Loki said, smiling wryly.

"No, you probably shouldn't make a habit of it," Tony said.

"Wasn't planning to," Loki replied. "I hate this. I wanted to have a nice, cheesy, Atheistic Christmas with you."

Tony just patiently waited for Loki to let it out. He could tell the man needed to let off some steam.

"Why the _fuck_ do I have to dress up as Satan's dominatrix and kick people's asses?" Loki asked him. "Why are people such power-hungry assholes that I feel I have to do this?"

"I don't know," Tony said. "People are stupid. You're just doing what you can."

Loki's face suddenly twisted into a scowl and he threw his helmet at the ground angrily. It clanged on the concrete and rolled away, undamaged.

"I want out of the Avengers," Loki said bluntly. "But I never would; I don't remember when I picked up a sense of duty, but it nags at me now."

"Fuck duty," Tony said sternly. "Comic book villains are below you anyway. You should look after yourself, and anyway, you probably do more good with your clean energy stuff."

"Mm," Loki acknowledged, looking at his hands thoughtfully. His previously crooked right hand was perfectly straight and normal. "I'd never ask you to give up Iron Man."

"You wouldn't be."

"I would. Either I'd be restless watching you be heroic and return to the suit, or you'd be guilty. Likely the former," Loki said. "It wouldn't be fair."

"Hey, hey," Tony soothed, readying himself for a big reassurance. He limped over to Loki, who immediately narrowed his eyes.

"You're hurt," he said lowly.

"Yeah, I got hit by a truck. And then Killian," Tony said. "I'll be fine. Maybe a few days sitting on my ass would do the trick. It's Christmas anyway."

"It is Christmas," Loki said with a lazy smile. He got to his feet, placing his hands lightly on Tony's sore hips. "A warmth bath will help with your injuries."

"Stripping down and getting slippery with my favourite hedonist?" Tony grinned. "How could I say no?"

He slid his hands from Loki's shoulders to the buckle holding his coat on and tugged at it. "Get naked, Sparkles."

"I sincerely meant a bath, not fucking in a bathtub."

"You're no fun," Tony pouted.

"I'm lots of fun," Loki countered, supporting Tony and his injured hip as they made their way upstairs. As they headed out of the workshop, Loki interviewed Tony on where every injury was and ascertained that everyone was okay, except Happy.

Maya met them on the stairwell. "I was wondering where you two had gotten to. The scene at the oil rig's on the news; there's nothing about Extremis or Killian. They're just saying that they caught the Mandarin."

Loki's jaw clenched. "SHIELD actually has the audacity to cover this up."

"They want Extremis," Tony guessed. "It's the closest anyone's got to the supersoldier formula."

"Damn right they do," Loki growled. Tony noticed his green eyes beginning to glow lightly red from anger. "I'm going to have words with Fury tomorrow. Large, violent words."

"Those are my favourite words," Tony said. "It's Christmas Day and you're already stressed. Let's just have our bath."

"Maya," Loki said. "When I'm finished cleaning up Tony, you're free to come to New York with us. Whatever arrangements you have to make, make them."

She nodded and got out her cellphone, heading away from them.

"SHIELD," Loki said with distaste. "They seize every advantage, regardless of the politics of the situation."

"Deal with it tomorrow. Deal with everything tomorrow," Tony soothed.

Loki took a deep, deliberate breath before silently leading Tony up the stairs to the ensuite; it had a bath, and besides, his stained glass window was broken in the main one.

With a golden shimmer, Loki was undressed, and he gently worked the undersuit off Tony as the bath ran. With all his aches, Tony felt rather pampered.

They both sat down into the warm water, and Tony couldn't help the gratified groan that escaped from his throat.

Once he'd relaxed a bit, Tony picked up the previous conversation. "I'd give up Iron Man if you wanted me to."

"I _don't_ want you to," Loki said honestly. "It means so much to you."

"You mean more," Tony said. It was a sickeningly sweet thing to say, but hey, it was Christmas. The perfect time for it.

A tiny blush appeared on Loki's cheeks and he averted his eyes.

"Babe, I think I've earned a back rub," Tony said, shuffling in the huge tub until he had his back to Loki. "I'm _hurt."_

Loki made a snorting noise, making Tony think he was shit out of luck, but a moment later Loki's hands gently pressed against his shoulders, slathered with body wash.

Loki was _hella_ good with his hands. Yet another item on the list of Why Loki Is Awesome.

"I'm not sorry I killed Killian," Loki admitted, keeping his hands very light and gentle on Tony's cracked ribs. "I am, however, sorry that I can't keep my temper very well."

"You thought I was in danger," Tony mumbled. "That makes it excusable, I think."

"Is it acceptable to kill everyone in my way to protect you? Or Darcy? Or anyone else I deem worthy? I don't think so," Loki replied.

"You were doing what was best in the situation. Don't be a drama queen."

"Hitler thought he was doing 'what was best'," Loki said mulishly. "That doesn't make what he did okay."

Tony whirled around in the soapy water and snatched Loki's wrists. "Stop it. You're upset because you broke Killian's neck? He tried to hurt me, he nearly killed you, he could've killed Pep, and Happy's still hit-or-miss. You're not a tyrant, you're a normal person with a normal instinct to protect the people you care about. If you start killing for fun, then we worry."

Loki tugged himself away from Tony, both physically and emotionally. "There's something wrong with me."

"There really, really isn't. In fact, by my standards, you're perfect."

"No more cushy romantic talk; I'm deadly serious. I would have killed everyone on that oil rig for you. But that isn't me; I'm an upper-class London boy with a Masters in Physics and a successful business. I don't have a killing instinct; I really don't," Loki said. "Why have I taken to this ridiculous business so quickly?"

"I did, too," Tony said. "You're one of those people destined for bigger things, or however you'd put it. You're Loki Fucking Laufeyson and you're acting like you're some common, everyday person. You're clearly not."

"I should be."

"But you're _not,"_ Tony insisted. "You're SuperLoki, for whatever reason. That comes with occasional bursts of violence. You'll be fine."

"Mm."

"You're not believing a word I say."

"I'm taking it into consideration."

"You're full of shit," Tony said, leaning up and kissing Loki, who bristled for a moment before relaxing into it.

"And don't you love it," Loki said dryly.

"Fuck yeah," Tony replying, wriggling back onto Loki's lap.

Loki chuckled slightly and went back to soothing Tony's bruises and washing blood off him. His chest was discoloured with bruising, which Loki was very careful with.

"Tell me what happened in all detail since I left," Loki said, neatly changing the subject. Tony would pursue it again later, but for now, he just started with when SHIELD arrived at the mansion, and worked forwards from there.

-O.O-

Twenty minutes later, Tony was sulking, because they really had only had a bath. Loki had said they didn't want to keep Maya waiting, and when Tony was about to suggest that Maya could wait all they wanted her to, Loki promised they would fuck enough later to make any deities watching cry.

Tony could settle for that.

In any case, he was cracking up laughing, because of a very simple issue:

"I am thirty-two years old and I still can't put jeans onto my very long legs while I'm slightly damp," Loki hissed, cursing as he tried to pull the denim on.

Tony had seen it on many occasions and still thought it was perfectly hilarious.

"Piss off, Stark," Loki growled, though Tony knew he didn't mean it. "You'd never have this problem, what with your legs being the length of toothpicks."

"You seem to like'em well enough," Tony teased.

Finally dressed, they collected everything they wanted to take with them back to New York, including Maya from downstairs. Evidently, she saw sense in both escaping from the scene of the crime and taking up Loki's offer of a lab and money.

"Two things first," Loki reminded them as he dug out his phone.

-O.O-

The three of them appeared with their gear at the oil rig, Pepper only a few metres away, to their good fortune.

"Pepper," Loki said. "What's going on?"

She whirled around in surprise before realising it was them. "Who's she?" She asked, gesturing at Maya.

"Maya Hansen," Tony said, cutting Maya off from her own introduction. "She's the one who created Extremis."

Pepper's face was about to become very, very angry until Maya cut in "But I'm on your side! Tony tells me Killian gave you Extremis against your will; I want to help you. And Loki."

Pepper relaxed. Minutely. "How soon?"

"Tomorrow," Loki answered. "Tomorrow we'll start working on it. Today, I suggest you leave all this and come and spend Christmas in New York with us."

"I'm done here; they really aren't interested in hearing about my time with Killian," Pepper said. "I don't like how SHIELD is approaching this."

"Neither do I," Tony said. "None of us do."

Pepper pursed her lips. "I guess we'll deal with it tomorrow."

"We'll visit Happy, then go on to New York," Loki said. "We really should have called everyone and told them we were alive and coming back."

"I'm sure they can figure it out," Tony said. "Ride on, poindexter."

Loki pulled a face at him before inviting Pepper to join their chain and teleporting them away.

-O.O-

Maya and Loki found it prudent to just sit quietly outside while Tony and Pepper visited Happy. He was still as bruised and broken as last time they'd seen him.

And then his hand twitched.

Pepper noticed it first and cried out in delight, hitting Tony, who cursed and then looked too.

As Happy's heart rate increased, a nurse came in, and Happy managed to open his swollen eyes.

"Happy, you're okay," Pepper said in relief, clutching the man's hand.

Happy made a noise low in his throat that could've been _hello._

"Loki!" Tony called jubilantly, and the man came in.

Loki grinned. "Well, then, I guess we've had worse Christmases after all."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, folks; I'm midway through rewriting all of the shitty dialogue, inconsistent plotlines and general fuck-ups that constitute My Fellow Hedonist. It was my first proper fanfiction and i didn't (and still don't) have a beta or even spellcheck, so it's excusable.  
> Probably it might be halfway worth a reread when I'm done, but I'm not, so eh. I'm adding new scenes and a lot more coherent banter.
> 
> Also, how the fuck would Loki put on skinny jeans after a shower? I can't do it very easily and his legs are about a foot longer than mine...


	13. Grinch Empathy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki's disappointed by this year's Avengers Christmas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a few thousand words of me diverting full power to the part of my brain that writes the ol' weird dialogue.
> 
> But anyway. Late. Exams. Apology. The usual.
> 
> One chapter left; thanks for your support on things and stuff! Unless the next chapter grows out of control like a radioactive puppy - in that case it'll be split in half because I'm a lazy ass.

They sat with Happy for a few minutes while they waited for the doctor, and when he'd finally surfaced from his coma, he was in a lot of pain and very, very tired. By the time the doctor had arrived, he was slipping into a natural sleep, to everyone's relief.

The doctor told them to come back tomorrow, because he'd be lucid and a lot more comfortable then.

It seemed like Boxing Day was going to be full of things that had been put off.

"So," Loki said to Pepper, even though he was still looking at Happy. "What do you say to an Avengers Christmas? Darcy will be there too, and Natasha."

"I guess if you can teleport me here tomorrow, there's no reason to stay here," Pepper said. "Can we pick up some things?"

Looking at the not insubstantial amount of stuff they already had, Loki ran a few calculations. "Yes, I think so. Don't blame me if you lose fingers in Z-Space."

Pepper frowned. "That isn't really how it works, is it?"

"Not even close," Tony cut in, smiling impishly. "But we are relying on Loki's big brain to get us there. We need to finish that app that does it for you, babe."

"That we do," Loki acknowledged, gesturing a goodbye to Happy and leading them into the hallway.

-O.O-

After a quick stop-off for Pepper to pick up some things - including presents for Tony, Loki and Darcy - they appeared right in the middle of the living room of Tony's tower.

Everyone, Darcy included, was sitting on the couches watching TV. When they appeared, the room burst into sound and movement of everyone greeting each other.

"Pepper!" Darcy said excitedly, then looked at Maya with a teasing frown. "Lokes, are you replacing me?"

"Yes," Loki deadpanned. "I am. And this one knows science."

There was a tense moment, then Darcy broke into a grin and Loki picked her up in a hug.

"Woah, dude, were you always that strong?" Darcy asked in surprise.

"Long story," Loki said.

It vaguely occurred to Tony that his and Loki's relationship was just  _different_  from their friendship, and that was probably a good thing.

There were happy greetings, then Loki coughed loudly to get everyone's attention. "I'm assuming you're wondering who our companion is," he said. "This is Maya Hansen, and if anyone from SHIELD asks, she's not here and you're never heard of her."

"Why are we hiding her for you?" Clint said mulishly.

"You're hiding her to stop SHIELD from being oh-so-naughty," Loki said acidly. "They've overstepped another boundary. But that's an issue for tomorrow. Merry whatever-holiday-you-celebrate!"

And with that, he sat down heavily on the couch, looking somewhat like he needed a drink.

"So," Natasha said. "We've heard a little about what happened. You caught the Mandarin?"

"There wasn't a bloody Mandarin," Tony said. "There was a pasty white racist asshole with a grudge and some untested technology. Pepper, I think the moral of this story was  _you're not dating that fucker."_

"Oddly enough, this can be summarised by just saying a shovel talk turned into saving America," Loki said with a sigh. "Dating can be so complicated in the modern era, what with the terrorism and murder."

"Well..." Pepper said. "I think you should start from the start, because to be honest, I don't know most of the story myself."

Maya finally spoke up. It seemed she'd been ever so slightly intimidated by the fact she was surrounded by the Avengers, but she was finding her feet. "It all started when I thought of Extremis."

-O.O-

Once everyone was up to speed - and a little confused at why no one had asked them for help - it was time for Christmas in itself.

"I forgot to get any form of gifts, except for Tony, and you've given me my gift, so I'm just going to sit over here," Loki told them, taking up a position on the smaller couch off to the side.

"I think I'm banished to that couch, too," Maya said, trying to get away from everyone's scrutinising looks.

"Me too. I forgot December was a month that had things in it," Tony said, moving to the couch of shame.

"We opened our presents this morning because we didn't know you were coming home," Darcy admitted.

"I have a Christmas party at the lab later," Bruce said.

"Darcy and I have a date," Clint said.

"Well, that was anti-climactic, for fucks' sakes," Loki said with a sigh.

He'd expected a little more of an Avengers Christmas. It sounded like such a bright, fascinating event.

"What did you get Tony?" Darcy asked.

Loki fixed her with a look. "Do you really want to know?"

"Yeah, sounds like it," Darcy grinned.

"Can you not?" Clint said.

"Potentially, I could not. I also could. Don't know the possibilies until it happens; Schrodinger's dirty joke or something," Darcy snarked. "Lokes, you know physics. Tell the man."

"That's not really my area," Loki said. "Pepper has gifts. I demand some kind of celebration; I was technically dead this morning."

"That puts a damper on things," Pepper said, unshouldering her bag. "I'm sorry I don't have something for everyone; I really wasn't expecting what happened. Darcy, you first."

"Pepper, you're my favourite," Darcy declared, taking the little box. "I sent your present in the mail, so odds are it's in totally the wrong place."

Darcy eagerly tugged at the ribbon, opening the box to reveal a new iPod. "You remembered!" She exclaimed delightedly.

(Darcy had taken multiple photos of Malekith in his normal form on her iPod, and Nick Fury had pocketed it in the name of confidentiality. She still hadn't gotten it back, and had bitched to _everyone._  Pepper included)

"Tony," Pepper said, handing him another little box.

Tony opened it to reveal little arc reactor cufflinks.

"For your wedding," Pepper said matter-of-factly.

"My wedding," Tony said idly, tracing his thumb over the little cufflinks. "Holy fuck, I'm getting married."

Loki seemed equally disturbed. "So am I."

"Which means you need cufflinks too," Pepper said, handing Loki a little box to match Tony's. "I've got your suits sorted, and I know for a fact you'll need them."

"I picked the colours," Darcy added.

"I own lots of cufflinks," Loki sniffed, but still broke into another grin when he saw the little gold-plated links shaped like his helmet. "A little cliche, but they get the point across." The indifference was betrayed by the hug he then gave Pepper, which was joined by Tony.

"Babe, we should go nuts with credit cards later," Tony said. "I think these people have earned gifts."

"Definitely," Loki replied. "I think Darcy needs another pair of Crocs."

"Hell, no," Darcy said. "You bought me some for Christmas last year. And the year before.  _No more Crocs._  I hate those things."

"Why do you think I buy them?" Loki said dryly.

"Because you're horrible," Darcy said. "There's eggnog in the kitchen.  _Lots_  of eggnog."

Loki's face screwed up in distaste as Tony bounded to his feet. "Pep, you want some holiday swill?"

"Just a little, thanks," Pepper said, turning her attention to _How The Grinch Stole Christmas_  like the other Avengers.

"Are you all right?" Loki asked Pepper. "Extremis is no fun, I can testify."

"I'll find a way to fix it," Maya added. "It'll pass out of your body naturally without boosters, too."

"I will be better in the future," Pepper told them, accepting her eggnog from Tony. "That's the best anyone can aim for."

That quote? That summarised every person in the room.

Tony sat down on the smaller couch to the side, allowing Loki to move over there and spread out with his head in Tony's lap and his long legs dangling over the side.

They watched the movie in silence with the others, until Loki got a mischievious look on his face and said "You're getting  _married,"_  in a mocking tone.

"I know, Loki," Tony murmured back. "I'm only marrying for the money. I'll just close my eyes and lie back for America on our wedding night, cause this guy is  _gross."_

Loki poked the tip of his tongue out at him. "That seems unlikely. How is your chest?"

"Tight, but pretty good. Drugs are your friends, kid," Tony said.

"I'm happy to have you back, too," Steve said, turning towards them. "But I'd appreciate it if you could keep your voices down."

"Not sorry," Loki said mulishly. "I'm so disappointed. There isn't even a Christmas tree."

"There's one outside your office," Darcy told him. "There's also one outside the elevator, but you wouldn't know, Spaceman."

"Be right back," Loki said, rolling off Tony's lap and making his way out of the room. He returned with a small plastic reindeer. "I like Christmas," he firmly told Tony as he made to lie down again.

"Makes a change from every other holiday," Tony muttered.

"I'm not going to celebrate Columbus Day," Loki said with an eye roll. "Unless you want me going into peoples' houses and murdering them."

Rather passive-aggressively, Clint turned the volume up.

"You're missing the point."

"I'm getting the point exactly," Loki tutted. "Christmas might be a commercialised, appropriated mess, but at least the food is good."

"Cynic," Tony said, poking Loki in the cheek.

"American," Loki said accusingly.

"That's not an insult."

"Depends who you ask," Loki said. "I empathise with the Grinch on so many levels."

-O.O-

Loki might have been disappointed with the gift-giving part of the day, but the afternoon was decidedly pleasant, and everyone smiled and bonded over food and conversation, even Maya, who was sort of off to the side and rather uncomfortable.

Bruce was going to a party at the SHIELD lab he worked with - though he'd described it more as quiet drinks - and it was at least nice that he had friends that weren't terrified of him.

Darcy and Clint set off after the meal for a snowy walk, leaving everyone else to do the dishes. They soon settled; Steve, Natasha and Pepper were all interested in Maya's role in the Extremis dealie, so Loki and Tony joined them for a more in-depth examination of SHIELD's next move and Killian's motives.

They came to the conclusion he wanted revenge on Tony, but he probably wasn't entirely sane.

This was followed by another movie, accompanied by Christmas pudding - barely palatable, but traditional - and sarcastic commentary. Tony had the luxury of Loki bringing him food, his reward for fighting while Loki was comatose.

"This is nice," Tony said idly as he, Pepper and Loki had formed a couch huddle. "Like family, except without the stupid obligations."

"Ohana means family-" Loki began. "That's all I know."

Then it was late, and everyone was tired. Bed.

The list of things to be dealt with the next day was substantial. That didn't cool Tony's enthusiasm. "Promises were made," he said.

"You're injured," Loki said accusingly.

"Nah," Tony said dismissively. "Well, yeah, pretty badly actually, but painkillers are our friends. Besides, we haven't had sex in three days.  _Three."_

"You've also barely slept in three days," Loki reminded him.

Tony pulled puppy-dog eyes.

"Fine. Your own head be on it, as it were," Loki said. "I'm only trying to keep you alive."

"And I'm very grateful," Tony grinned.

Loki sighed and leaned up to kiss Tony, an uncharacteristically chaste press of lips.

Tony pulled away for a moment to bury his face in Loki's neck. "Fuck, you smell good. How do you do that?"

"I bathe. You should try it," Loki teased, catching Tony's mouth in another kiss.

Not wasting time, Tony tugged Loki's shirt up, then pulled away to kiss his way down Loki's chest.

When he reached Loki's abdomen, he blew a big raspberry.

Loki spasmed involuntarily, accidentally kicking Tony off the bed.

There was a moment where Tony landed with a wince and Loki stared in surprise, then they both cracked up laughing.

"Ridiculous," Loki chuckled.

"Well, call me an old-timer," Tony said, shifting uncomfortably. "But now I've really put my hip out."

"You only have yourself to blame," Loki sighed, getting off the bed to pick Tony up. "Well done."

"Ha ha," Tony said. "You liked where my mouth was going."

"To the realm of treating me like a toddler," Loki deadpanned.

"Sometimes you _are_  a toddler. Same with me. There's nothing wrong with that," Tony said, stripping off his shirt and pants and diving under his covers.

Loki copied him, taking advantage of the comforting blankets. "I'm sorry about your hip and chest," he conceded.

"Not your fault," Tony said. "This ain't the first time you'll be dealing with my bad hip, Sparkles. Give me forty years and it'll come with a walking frame."

Loki chuckled at the mental image, lying back and staring at the ceiling. "I do make a lot of jokes, but I am looking forward to it."

"The wedding?"

"Yeah."

"Me too."

"Merry Christmas."


	14. Tying Up The Loose Ends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What it says on the box.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter. Late chapter. I'm sincerely sorry.  
> I want this fic finished, so odds are I'll do it tomorrow or the day after. I injured my hand pretty badly recently, so the ol' typing was a bitch.  
> But yes. Much chapter.

Tony awoke to fingers trailing around the rim of his arc reactor. His unashamed first reaction was to panic, but that was quickly curbed by Loki withdrawing his hand and making a soothing sound.

Which made him think of something. He propped himself up next to Loki and poked him in the chest. Hard bone sheathed in warm skin.

"Your thingy's gone," Tony said.

Loki shifted slightly. "My 'thingy' is still there. However, yes, I did manage to lose the arc."

"Where is it?" Tony asked.

A slight tightening of Loki's jaw told Tony that he'd neglected to retrieve it.

"If you'll grant me the honour of staying where you are, I'll get it now," Loki said. He slid out of Tony's bed and retrieved his phone, and with a few button presses, he vanished.

Tony waited only half a minute before Loki appeared again with the green arc reactor in his hand, the casing twisted and misshapen. He handed it to Tony before slipping back into bed, slightly dustier than before.

"When Maya and I revise Extremis," Loki said, his fingers trailing over Tony's arc again, "We're going to get this out of you."

"Ahem. It'll be Maya, you, and me. I'm not staying out of the action," Tony said. "There's _science_ to be done."

Loki's eyes lit up. "That's an excellent idea. The three of us form our own version of AIM. Maya gets her facilities, her financial backing and our help, and we have control of Extremis."

"I'm in," Tony said. "SHIELD'll throw a hissy fit, which will be fun."

"Now that the invasion is over, I find myself rather disinterested in making SHIELD like me," Loki admitted. "I was deadly serious. Unless you really do object, I'd like to take this out of you."

Tony thought on that. It'd improve his health, a lot, and it would be nice to finally be free of the thing that had nearly killed him on many occasions. There would be no shrapnel crawling towards his heart.

But the arc was almost a promise - it was his reminder of _I fucked up_ in his earlier life, and his resolution to fix things. Stark Industries hadn't made weapons for a long time.

Loki wanted to take it out. It was almost symbolic. He'd be freed of the stupid thing.

"'Course," Tony grinned. "It'd be good to have it gone."

"Very much so. How are your injuries?"

Tony moved a little to ascertain the morning's damage. "Stiff as fuck. I'm not walking much today."

"Well," Loki said, a mischievious smile creeping onto his face as he threw the covers back and straddled Tony's legs, careful to not put any weight on his sore hip. "It seems I'm to do all the work."

"Aw yeah," Tony leaned forward for a kiss.

"As usual," Loki murmured, chuckling.

"Watch it, pretty boy."

"That's not an insult. I've spent a significant portion of my life trying to be a prettier boy," Loki countered.

"Well, you've succeeded."

"Thank you. You're not especially bad yourself."

-O.O-

By the time they'd finished and showered, it was nearly lunchtime. They'd needed that sleep.

Malekith was in the living, stripy and unimpressed.

"They told me I wasn't to wake you," he said.

"My apologies," Loki said. "As much as I'd love to study your magic today, there are a thousand and one other crises that call for my attention. Tomorrow, perhaps."

"Yeah, sorry, Legolas," Tony said. "You see the mess down in Miami? Loki and are still fixing it up."

"I did," Malekith said. "I wondered if I should help. My handler forbade me."

"We were fine. But you are going to have to head back to SHIELD," Tony said.

Malekith nodded. "I shall return tomorrow."

And with that, he vanished.

"Pity," Loki said. "I really was interested. But we do need to talk to Maya."

Maya herself hadn't yet surfaced. They'd given her a guest room the night before, and evidently she'd taken to it like a duck to water.

Neither of them were really sure what the long-term solution to Maya's presence was, but really, that was her own decision. They'd forward the idea of them working together and then it was up to her.

"JARVIS, give Maya a wake-up call," Tony said as they settled in the kitchen for breakfast/lunch.

Loki went through the fridge. "I'm in the mood for something elaborate," he said. "Unfortunately, the ingredients I'm seeing disagree with me. Toasted sandwich?"

"What kind of ham are we looking at?" Tony said.

Loki cut a sliver from the ham in the fridge. "Very delicious ham," he pronounced.

"Then I'm onboard, pretty boy," Tony said.

"You're keeping that nickname, aren't you," Loki said, sounding rather put-upon.

Tony just smiled at him before pulling his phone out of his pocket and getting to work.

"I'm thinking about engagement rings," he said. "What're your feelings?"

"Something that tells everyone exactly who I'm marrying," Loki said, a smirk playing on his lips. "I wouldn't want them to forget."

"How about each other's colours? You wear red and gold, I wear green and gold."

"And when we bump them together we gain superpowers," Loki said dryly, dropping the sandwiches in the pan.

"You don't like it?"

"I think it's excellent. Somewhat cliched, but it seems I can't escape that."

"You poor flower. I'll look into jewellers now," Tony said.

It wasn't until they were eating their sandwiches that Maya turned up. She'd clearly made a conscious effort to be presentable; she was probably still not that confident around the Avengers.

She looked at their sandwiches hungrily.

"I'm making another batch," Loki said reassuringly, inviting her to sit. "We've been talking, and we have a proposition to offer you."

-O.O-

Maya wasn't stupid. Killian taking control of her work for his own nefarious purposes had made her wary, and it turned out she'd already decided not to work with SHIELD. Her trust of Loki and Tony was sketchy, but she needed their money and help. She agreed.

That was one problem solved. The next was a meeting with Nick Fury to sort out the aftermath of the 'Christmas Incident'.

Fury didn't give them much warning; he surprised them by arriving unannounced while Tony and Loki were on the phone to a jeweller.

They both made _shh_ gestures as they finished the conversation.

"What is it, Nicky boy?" Tony said.

"I've got a few things to discuss with you," Fury said, his tone lethally serious. "First: _where is Maya Hansen?"_

"I don't know," Tony said. Loki shrugged in agreement.

Fury's eye travelled past them into the kitchen where Maya was eating a sandwich.

"That's Darcy," Loki said.

Maya waved cheerfully, keeping up the act.

"That is not Darcy," Fury said.

"I think I can recognise my own personal assistant," Loki said coolly. Tony was trying not to laugh.

"Miss Hansen," Fury said forcefully. "I'm going to have to ask you to come with me."

"Fury," Loki said, his tone suddenly icy. "If that is Maya Hansen - and I make no promises - then you have no right to force her to do anything."

"SHIELD needs to talk to her about Extremis," Fury said.

"As of very recently, the technology of Extremis belongs to FuturePharm, a medical technology company," Tony said. "The name is subject to change."

"So it wouldn't really be at Miss Hansen's liberty to divulge proprietary information," Maya added. "If she were here. Which she's not."

Fury looked remarkably pissed off.

"Is there anything else you want to talk to us about?" Loki asked smoothly.

"We need a report of your actions during the Extremis crisis," Fury said. "As Avengers, it is important that your doings as heroes are on record."

"JARVIS, compile a summary from the footage of Loki and my retelling of the story last night and send it to SHIELD after I proofread," Tony said. "That should do. Anything else?"

-O.O-

As it turned out, no, there was nothing else. Fury retreated to have his previously scheduled meeting with Steve, Clint and Natasha. 

It wasn't over, they could tell.

The meeting Fury was holding was worrying. The Avengers had been kept together by the upcoming invasion; with that gone, odds were the SHIELD part of the Avengers would be working elsewhere, leaving Tony and Loki defending that chunk of the country and Bruce working on science or as an emergency tank.

They'd miss them, despite past difficulties.

Maya ended up spending time with Pepper, surprisingly. Then Darcy joined in and it snowballed into them controlling the living room and seizing the opportunity to relax and talk.

Tony and Loki borrowed Pepper for a visit to Happy. It was good to see him. Even better to see him conscious and getting better. Leaving Pepper at the hospital for an hour or two, Tony and Loki retrieved their credit cards and headed for a hardware store. They had a helpful, potato-gun-toting kid to thank.


	15. New Year's

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Told you I'd get it up quick.

This was Tony and Loki's kind of shopping. A trolley each, acquiring everything a budding young inventor would need in his workshop. Loki handled tech while Tony handled tools. When they'd gotten necessary things, they proceded to get unnecessary things, like a mobile of the solar system, and for whatever reason Loki fabricated, a funny-looking paper clip dispenser.

Then they headed to the checkout. The person there didn't look so happy at having to scan all their stuff.

Despite the abuse that Loki's teleportation had been getting, they were using it to move everything to Harley's house. The jet would take too long. Evidently Loki was celebrating his new invulnerable status. Tony wasn't so enthusiastic, so he was taking an older Iron Man suit. He had enough heart issues without that.

Loki decided to don the Lightningrod suit, simply because Harley clearly liked the Avengers.

"I'll race you," he told Tony from the balcony of Stark Tower.

"You're moving at the speed of light," Tony pointed out. "I don't think I'm going to win that race."

"Excuses, excuses," Loki said, placing his hands on the huge box they'd picked to move everything and vanishing.

Tony activated his repulsors and headed for Tennessee. Loki was such a sarcastic ass.

-O.O-

It was Boxing Day, so Harley's absence at his house was rather odd, but Tony and Loki didn't question it. It was a pretty simple matter for them to break into his workshop, considering teleportation.

"This is why I'm wary of making this technology publicly available," Loki said as they began setting everything up. "I wouldn't trust the general public with this ability."

Tony was about to point out Loki's cat-burgling streak while he was under Malekith's influence, but wisely decided to hold his tongue.

After the hundredth time Loki smacked his horns or got them caught on something, he gave a loud noise of exasperation and took them off, dumping them on the floor.

"Why horns?" Loki said. "Who wears horns?"

"You," Tony said. "They make you look taller and skinnier. Also more like Satan."

"That's a bonus, I suppose," Loki conceded.

They only finished setting everything up as they heard footsteps and the scrape of a key in a lock. Nice timing.

Loki shoved his helmet back on and stood to attention as Harley came in, Tony standing beside him. The Iron Man suit helped support his sore hip.

Harley's jaw dropped as he saw them. Then he noticed the changes to his workshop and it was pretty clear he was overcome. He took it in for half a minute, eyes wide, then ran forward and wrapped his arms around the pair of them as much as he could.

Harley looked up at them. "Thank you."

"Thank you for looking after Tony for me," Loki countered with a smile.

"Enough stuff here for you to start on your Mark 2 Potato Gun," Tony said.

Harley's curiosity got the better of him and he started examining everything. "What does this do?"

"Everything has instruction manuals," Tony said. "Also, we didn't buy anything you might accidently behead yourself with. We have standards."

Harley made a face. "I could handle it."

"Admittedly, yes, but we might not be able to handle the lawsuit," Loki said, coming over and helping him with whatever doohickey he'd decided to try first.

They ended up spending what remained of the afternoon there, teaching Harley some tricks they'd picked up in their years of practical experience.

The sun was just heading down when they headed back to New York, picking Pepper up on the way. Nearly everything had been sorted out, though there was no doubt that their argument with Fury regarding Maya would come back to bite them in the proverbial ass.

In the end, they went to Loki's penthouse, improvised some form of dinner, then lay around on Loki's favourite couch in the living room drinking, talking, and watching rain splatter against the windows.

After the conversation turned to Harley, Loki paused for a moment and said "I don't want children; I dearly hope that's not a dealbreaker."

Tony wasn't surprised, and he told Loki so. "It's okay. I'm not even sure if I do either."

"I've been there, and found it not to my liking," Loki said.

Tony knew what Loki was talking about, even if they'd never properly discussed it; Loki's brief experience with fatherhood in his teens when his messing around caught up with him and an ex-fling of his got pregnant. Loki had stood by her, but she'd overdosed and the kid was prematurely stillborn.

Admittedly, Tony had had pregnancy scares, but none that panned through. He was surprisingly careful even when not sober.

"What was its name going to be?" Tony asked.

"Hela," Loki said. "I know it's an odd name, but Angie liked it."

Tony patted Loki's thigh in consolation.

"I'm not especially broken up about it," Loki said. "It would have changed my life hugely, and probably not for the better."

"Yeah, but still," Tony said. "No kids. That's not a dealbreaker."

They sat in silence for a while, Tony propping his feet up on Loki's legs.

"Tomorrow," Loki said, "We study magic. Any thoughts?"

"Firstly, figure out what the hell it is. Getting readings of it. Every kind of reading. Measure its blood alcohol content if we have to. Identification is the first step to doing something," Tony said.

"The scanner you made for the Tesseract would likely be effective," Loki mused. "You really should look into marketing it."

"Yeah, I talked to Pepper about it. She doesn't think enough people would be interested," Tony said.

"I want one," Loki said.

"Done and done. Consider it your Christmas present."

-O.O-

The next day was mostly spent with Malekith and several scanners. The elf was simply to produce examples of magic on command while they analysed it to their hearts' content.

They discovered little about the actual nature of magic, and Malekith didn't really seem to know either. It was the energy of existing and he was a conductor, but that was as much help as he could give them.

It was fun anyway.

After that, Tony and Loki played around in the lab with the personal teleporter until someone upstairs bit the bullet and cooked dinner, then they headed upstairs to socialise.

The day after, they took Pepper back to Malibu, visiting Happy along the way, then took Maya to her old apartment. She'd decided that she didn't want to live there anymore, and in light of her new venture, was heading across the country to New York. It was closer to her family too.

Tony and Loki had begun to make everything official. FuturePharm (the name had sadly stuck) was becoming a legitimate thing. Loki was clearing out one of his smaller R&D labs in his tower for Maya.

Fury hadn't said a word yet. No news was potentially bad news.

That night, they went to their first party together, a pretty big one that was drawing in attendees by not being on New Year's Eve. It was a bit of an adventure, going out as a couple for the first time.

And it was good. No one made any disparaging remarks, at least to their faces. They danced and chatted to people and if Loki's hand never strayed from the small of Tony's back, then hey, he wasn't complaining. Apparently their limit was dancing with other people, though; they were revelling in being able to stick ridiculously close to each other without comments being made.

They didn't stay out too long, however; Tony's hip was better, but it started to ache after a few hours out and about.

In the car home, they were laughing to each other about how Tony had mispronounced 'organism' while talking to some stuck-up society prig, and Loki had his feet on Tony's lap and a grin on his face.

They were so stupidly happy, it was almost sickening.

As they got back up to Loki's penthouse and headed for bed, Tony paused them and said "Loki, I'll ask you properly and not in the same super sudden way as last time. Will you marry me?"

Loki sat down on the bed and smiled up at him. "It'd be my pleasure, Mr Stark."

"Don't you 'Mr Stark' me," Tony said, pushing Loki on the shoulder playfully.

"Mr Laufeyson-Stark, then," Loki corrected impishly.

"Stark-Laufeyson," Tony said.

Loki narrowed his eyes. "This could turn into a very serious debate."

They didn't reach any form of compromise.

-O.O-

The next few days were a blur of science, visiting Happy, occasionally helping Maya move into her new apartment and generally hanging out.

Tony and Loki had decided that in the spirit of the previous year, their New Year's tradition was to get drunk and complain about things until they thought messing around with fruit was a good idea.

They had, in fact, settled down in Loki's penthouse with a carton of cherries and alcohol within reach.

"One question that I never got around to," Tony said. "Why'd you come to see me last year? We didn't get along then."

Loki took a fortifying swig of tequila before answering. "I knew of your issues with your father," he said.

"Yeah, I guessed that bit. Why _then,_  though?"

"Several boxes of Farbauti's belongings arrived for me," Loki deadpanned, his face very intentionally shutting down. "One of which was some of my childhood objects that he had neglected to give to Frigga."

It was clear that pushing the subject would just upset Loki, so Tony gave him a cherry as a form of subject change.

Loki examined it speculatively. "I've popped all my cherries."

Tony starting laughing involuntarily at the serious look on Loki's face. "Same here," he added. "True tragedy."

"I didn't drink for a month while I had the arc in my chest," Loki said mournfully. "I missed it."

"That's probably not healthy, but never mind," Tony said. "I know the feeling."

Loki handed him a cherry stem. "Try it. I believe in your oral dexterity."

"You make everything sound dirty," Tony complained as he popped the stem in his mouth, fully intending to successfully knot it.

"Master," SADIE interrupted. "I do believe there's something I should call to your attention."

"What is it?" Tony asked impatiently, spitting it out.

SADIE activated a projector, showing a YouTube page.

The footage was grainy and depicted the Miami docks where everything had gone down on Christmas Day; it was definitely security footage.

That caught their attention. They both sat up and focused.

Odds were, some employee on security had heard about the whole drama and had trawled back through records to have a look at what happened, then, naturally, uploaded it to the internet.

Out of context and blurry, it looked bad. All traces of Extremis weren't visible. The viewer would see Loki - easily recognisable as Lightningrod - pinning an unknown man to a shipping container, arguing with Iron Man while occasionally slamming the man's head into the metal. Then Loki shocked him, began to walk away and then whirled around and broke the man's neck for seemingly no reason at all.

It was bad. It was very bad.

The comments underneath said two things: Loki was a BAMF or Loki was a crazy sonovabitch who should be kicked off the Avengers.

"I'll bet Fury knows," Loki muttered. "In fact, I'd go so far as to say SHIELD will make a public statement explaining this and defending me if we just agree to let them have Extremis."

"Well, I doubt you're wrong," Tony breathed. "This is very not good."

 _"Fuck,"_  Loki snarled. "I knew he wouldn't leave it be, but this is dirty pool."

"S'alright, babe, if there's anything we know how to do, it's argue," Tony said reassuringly.

"This could become viral. SADIE, take it down if possible. It portrays a man dying; there must be rules against that," Loki said. "This is bad news for my reputation and for the Avengers."

"Well, we assumed that Fury was going to disband us. Guess he's taking us down in flames," Tony said. "I'm gonna tear him a new asshole."

"I'm not going to let him," Loki said, his eyes flashing red in anger. "After all, FuturePharm has the fire."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On to the next one! My intention at the moment is to write the multi-chapter lead up to the wedding, and the wedding. What happens afterwards is an odd and complicated plot that I likely won't write due to public lack of interest in the story.  
> But hey, this is over. Thanks for reading. Thanks for putting up with my shitty updating. You're a superstar, wherever and whoever you are.


End file.
